Reading Tracker 2022

In this post I'll try and collect all the books I'll be reading in 2022. Might just be the titles, maybe I'll add what I post on twitter (@SeanFiction, #SeanReads) or some general thoughts. We'll see!

Possible information to include:

Title - Author
Started/Finished/Stopped reading
Genre
Format (physical/ebook/audio)
Language
Recommended by:
Tweets/Hashtag/Thoughts/Quotes

Star Ratings:
★ = hated it
★★ = didn't like it
★★★ = liked it
★★★★ = enjoyed it a lot
★★★★★ = love everything about it

2022 STATS

Books read: 50
Fiction:
Non-fiction:
    January: 3 (1-2)
    February: 9 (6-3)
    March: 8 (4-4)
    April: 4 (2-2)
    May: 3 (3-0)
    June: 7 (6-1)
    July: 3 (3-0)
    August:
    September:
    October: 0
    November: 2 (2-0)
    December: 2 (1-1)
Fav of the year: DOCILE / The Scottish Boy

JANUARY

Books read: 3
Fav of the month: Nothing to Envy

1. "The High King's Golden Tongue" by Megan Derr

Series: Tales of the High Court (book 1)
Date: 07.01.2022 - 19.01.2022
Genre: Fantasy, queer (gay main couple, trans side characters, poly relationships mentioned)
Format: physical book
Language: English
Twitter-Hashtag: #HighKing
Thoughts:
Where to even start. There were so many things I disliked about this book, let's go by topics.
Plot: The two words that come to mind most are "unimaginative" and "lazy". The author clearly isn't particularly interested in worldbuilding and any kind of plot that doesn't explicitly serve the relationship between two characters she wants to describe. As a result, we learn that our story takes place in an empire at war but we are never told what the actual conflict is. One of our main characters with his own p.o.v. is the High King but the author clearly had no idea what his work might consist of, desdribing it merely as "paperwork" (that he hates doing). Sarrica would much rather just be a soldier, but when we eventually get to the fighting part, the entire months-long campaign is skipped completely. Things also get repetitive very quickly. I honestly cannot fathom how the author managed to fill 400 pages with this; I think the book would have profited from being maybe half as long.
Alcohol: I have never read a story in which the characters drink such huge amounts of alcohol, they consume wine like water. During one meal, Sarrica is said to drink six glasses of wine, which is more than one bottle. It is safe to assume that this was not the only wine he drank that day. Allen once started his day with two glasses of wine before breakfast, iirc. None of this is ever commented on by the narrative. I don't think the author realizes that all her characters are alcoholics. I found that increasingly unsettling.
Characters: There aren't very many ways in which the author can let characters interact. If they're friends they will tease and bicker constantly, to the point where I would hesitate to call them friends at all. If they're in love they are completely smitten with each other and their friends' support consists exclusively of teasing. I am also fairly sure they are supposed to be the good guys, yet our High King is, among other things, shown to employ mercenaries instead of just regular soldiers because the former can commit war crimes without ramifications.
Writing: The style itself isn't horrible but it's also thing special. I don't think we needed to skip between Allen's and Sarrica's point of view every other chapter, if at all. Allen's p.o.v. would have been enough and might have made Sarrica slightly more bearable and interesting. I personally think that having more than one character narrate the story should add something to the overall narrative and with this novel it wasn't the case. I think the author just wanted to make really sure we know what both characters are actually thinking but the uncertainty that comes from a limited point of view can add a lot more value to the reading experience, in my opinion. Plus, Sarrica and Allen sounded the same and that, I think, is one of the biggest mistakes one can make when alternating points of view. With two characters as different as Allen and Sarrica, the way they narrate their story should be extremely different as well!
A few positive things:
- there was a map at the beginning of the book
- the world really is very queer; trans people exist and are completely normal and accepted, there's non-binary people and polyam marriages
In summary: I will not continue reading this series or pick up anything else by the author. Holy shit, this was bad. I wanted to finish the book more for myself (because I hadn't finished anything in a while) and I don't regret it, but I'm glad I'm done with it and will not keep it on my shelf.

2. "Nothing to Envy. Real Lives in North Korea" by Barbara Demick

Date: 20.01.2022 - 23.01.2022
Genre: non-fiction, politics
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
The accounts of six defectors from North Korea are both deeply personal and touching, as well as a comment on the nation's state as a whole. It is one thing to know about these things, to hear a news bulletin or watch a documentary. Western journalists know that what they are being shown is not the truth and what we know of the people's plight is horrifying. But it is something else to read their stories, to be told how they felt when they were forced to watch people - strangers, children, relatives - die of starvation. The fact that these people escaped North Korea is no more consolation to the reader than it is to them: so many were left behind. I was surprised that most defectors have thoughts of returning to North Korea and help rebuild their country. It makes sense, in retrospect, but the way we generally view North Korea is so onesided/onedimensional that it never occured to me. Especially in the 1990s, people both in and outside North Korea assumed the state was close to collapsing and defectors assumed that they would only spend a few years in China or South Korea before returning to a new North Korea. That collapse, however, never happened.
While the book is a retelling of actual people's lives that the author tried to verify as much as possible, it doesn't read like a dry observation. I finished it quickly, although mentally I feel it might have been better to pace myself more.

3. "Sextant. A Voyage Guided by the Stars and the Men Who Mapped the World's Oceans" (David Barrie)

Date: 23.01.2022 -  06.02.2022
Genre: non-fiction, history
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
This book reads in large part like an adventure story: ships (almost) lost at sea, men fighting against the elements, all in an effort to gain understanding of the world. Some parts were very technical, others emotional, like stories of someone's cat that accompanied him on several journeys or a small group leaving their shipwrecked companions to - hopefully - find help. The story of celestial navigation is a fascinating one! To be honest, some details were very mathmetical and my lack of knowledge of sailing didn't help, I cannot claim to have understood it all. But even so, the general meaning was always clear. There are some photographs and maps but I feel there could have been more of the latter, maybe an overview of the described journey at the beginning of every chapter. My geographical knowledge isn't all that detailed and I had to consult google maps quite a few times. The book briefly touches on issues of colonialism but the book doesn't hide the fact that this is not it's focus. In any case, it's an overall very enjoyable read!
Quotes:
"In this spot he once dwelt unknown to the world, but happy."
"I knew now that I had put a world behind me, and that I was opening out another world ahead."
"I had already found that it was not good to be alone, and so I made companionship with what there was around me [...]; but my books were always my friends, let fail all else..."

FEBRUARY

Books read: 9
Fav of the month: The Anthropocene Reviewed

1. "The Archer's Heart (book one of three)" by Astrid Amara

Date: 03.02.2022 - 04.02.2022
Genre: fantasy, queer (gay main and side characters)
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
When I buy an ebook for 99cents I don't expect much of it. So I was pleasantly surprised when I absolutely loved this book from start to finish! It's not very long and I had a 'free' day because I was sick so I finished it quickly. The characters and the world quickly drew me in and I didn't even mind the switching points of view. The world seems to be based on India which I hadn't seen before and fascinated me from the start. Here's a society ripe with religion, conservatism and magic, and a strict caste system that dictates a person's life.
Things that might bother some people:
- homophobia (homosexual relations are punishable by death which one character even observes)
- incest (the main couple are first cousins who meet for the first time as adults)
Personally I'm fine with both; the relationship didn't even register on my incest radar. I instantly downloaded the second book!

2. "Permanent Record" by Edward Snowden

Date: 06.02.2022 - 15.02.2022
Genre: non-fiction, autobiography, politics
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
A very interesting and, unfortunately, necessary read! It's not a big revelation because at this point we already know what Snowden revealed about the US Intelligence Community, but it's good to be reminded and nice to read about it in such a personal way. Things never get too technical or when they do, they come with an explanation for the less IT savy among us. I'd recommend this book to just about anyone - it's so relevant to our daily lives.
Quotes:
"Something that is devastating for the public can be, and often is, beneficial to the elites." (p.161)
"The fundamental rule of technological progress: if something can be done, it probably will be done, and possibly already has been." (p.171)
"I kept silent, and in my silence I was alone." (p.242)
"This was the ultimate leap of faith, in a way: I could hardly trust anyone, so I had to trust everyone." (p.295)

3. "The Archer's Heart (book two of three)" by Astrid Amara

Date: 15.02.2022 - 16.02.2022
Genre: fantasy, queer (gay main and side characters)
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
The second book in the series didn't capture me as quickly as the first one did, but it got better during the last third or so. The point of view still switched but stayed mostly with Jandu; unfortunately he didn't do much for the first half of the story. I usually don't mind when the focus is on male characters exclusively but the way women are treated in this society really isn't great and for the most part there was no comment on this either, not even by Keshan who wants to revolutionize the caste system.
Potentially triggering topics:
- gambling, which once more constitutes the horrible finale
- rape is hinted at/talked about though not shown explicitly
- a character has a magical sex change forced upon them
The ending was a cliffhanger and now I do want to know how it all ends but the things that only slightly bothered me in book one have become more pronounced so I didn't enjoy this one as much as the first. I think Keshan might have made the more interesting protagonist but a story revolving around him would have been much more difficult to write.

4. "Ich bin Linus. Wie ich der Mann wurde, der ich schon immer war" von Linus Giese

Date: 17.02.2022 - 18.02.2022
Genre: non-fiction, autobiography, queer (trans)
Format: physical book
Language: German
Thoughts:
Ich habe das Buch v.a. deshalb lesen wollen, um zu beurteilen, ob ich es cis Menschen in meinem Umfeld empfehlen will. Tatsächlich fand ich vieles, von dem Linus Giese schreibt, sehr nachvollziehbar: ich habe meine Transition ebenfalls erst später im Leben begonnen und viele Gedanken, Sorgen wie Freuden, habe ich ganz ähnlich empfunden. Zwar stehe ich nicht so in der Öffentlichkeit und habe dementsprechend auch nicht mit derartigem Hass zu tun, aber auch so lebe ich jeden Tag mit der Möglichkeit, online oder offline dafür angefeindet zu werden, dass ich trans bin. In kleinerem Ausmaß ist mir das auch schon passiert und selbst das hatte schon einen Einfluss auf mich. Einmal habe ich meinen Twitter-Account für einige Zeit auf privat gestellt, weil mir dort jemand mit physischer Gewalt gedroht hat und ich Angst hatte, gedoxxt zu werden. Das ist zwar nicht passiert, aber der Punkt ist: was Linus beschreibt, kann jedem trans Menschen passieren, der sich nicht versteckt - und dazu sollte niemand gezwungen sein.
Fazit jedenfalls: ein gutes, sehr persönliches Buch, dass ich Menschen in meiner Familie zum Lesen geben werde. Einzige Anmerkungen: einige Zitate sind auf Englisch und ohne Übersetzung. Für mich kein Problem, aber gerade in der Generation meiner Eltern kann ich da keine komplexen Sprachkenntnisse voraussetzen. Da wären Fußnoten oder so schön gewesen.

5. "The Archer's Heart (book three of three)" by Astrid Amara 

Date: 18.02.2022 - 20.02.2022
Genre: fantasy, queer (gay main and side characters)
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
This series definitely got better towards the end; the second half of book three was pretty hard to put down! That being said, it had some dark topics like Yudar gambling away the right to rape Jandu (which is only just prevented) and as much as Keshan wants to change things about their society, improving the situation of women is never mentioned, even after Jandu spends a year living as one.
Still, there are many things I like about this book and the series as a whole: the magic system is something I've never seen before. Magic is a rare occurence in Marhavad and only few people are taught the spells to cast magic. Even then, most don't know how their magic actually works: demon-like creatures called Yashwa are ripped from their world, forced into the shape of a spell and then sent back when the spell is done. They do not like this.
What book three also had: possibly the worst coming-out ever but also the cutest gay solidarity.
I'm very okay with the ending, it was sweet and satisfying, dramatic and emotional (though not too much).
Quotes:
"And Keshan came to the truth. He had thought that his mission was to change all of Marhavad society. But really, he only ended up changing one man. [...] Keshan realized, yes, it might all be all right. This one man might be enough."
    "Keshan's eyes danced with joy. 'That was a very subtle speech.'
    'I was testing their loyalty.'
    'Good decision. Testing the loyalty of enemy deserters we just met by declaring we're sexual deviants.' Keshan laughed again."
"He wept for everything the two of them had lost, for all the sacrifices that had been made, to make a man who did not want the kingdom king."
"He had wondered how a person stayed whole after a night like the close of battle. And now he feared that one did not remain whole. One was forever tainted."

6. "Saving the Planet. Solarpunk Stories" 

Date: 20.02.2022 - 21.02.2022
Genre: short-story collection, science fiction, solarpunk
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
1) "Camping with City Boy" by Jerri Jerreat
This is a bad story that should have been a couple notes on potentially interesting worldbuilding. The boring and run-of-the-mill plot - a girl taking her boyfriend hiking for the first time and him hating it - could have taken place today just like that, it had nothing whatsoever to do with the solarpunk world.
2) "Oil and Ivory" by Jennifer Lee Rossman
This is a story of how technology can be part of old traditions as well as progress, how it can work in collaboration with nature or against it. It tells us that even now and in the future, when our influence on the climate has changed our world in irreversible ways, we can still help nature. The protagonists are queer, disabled native people which is very cool and important as well.
3) "The Heavenly Dreams of Mechanical Trees" by Wendy Nikel
This one feels somewhat philosophical and a lot of details are left out to be filled in by the readers. The level of technology and artificial intelligence isn't really explained but it works within the framework of the story. The religious metaphors weren't for me but I suppose they work well enough. I liked the hopeful tone of the ending; this story proposes that it isn't technology that will save us, but a return to nature. (Weird that the robot tree uses she-pronouns; why give a tree A.I. a sense of gender?)
4) "Solar Child" by Camille Myers
A fantastic story about a world where technology helps to create living creatures that are better adapted to the changes we brought about in the world. Focus is on human genetic engineering and a new kind of human: photosapiens. Also touches upon ethics when one such photosapiens is adopted for a very generous donation to the research facility.
Someone ones told me that human genetic engineering is inevitable: the technology is (or will be) there and people will be willing to spend money for it, laws be damned. Also reminds me of that Snowden quote regarding technological progress.
Would love to discuss ethics with a class based on this story.
5) "Wings of Glass" by Wendy Nikel
The setting isn't quite as hopeful as I imagine solarpunk worlds to be; instead it's like the beginning for that. The world has to deal with the extreme weather caused by climate change, but the story of two engineers discovering robot bees tells us that humanity will prevail by working together. Not bad.
6) "A Shawl for Janice" by Sandra Ulbrich Almazan
Humans made the world so uninhabitable that they had to withdraw into so-called Eco Towers. Now uninhabitaed cities are un-built and actively returned to nature. A young trans woman is counting birds with a few friends and remembers the trials another trans woman, her great aunt, had to go through when the place was still a city and transphobia was still a thing. She raises her great aunt's shawl (which is likened to a flag and vaguely in trans colors). It's all very on the nose.
7) "The Spider and the Stars" by D.K. Mok
Environmental problems like climate change are acknowledged as something humans did but are mostly presented as something we can solve with the help of technology that people create to improve all our lives. The focus is on genetic engineering of both plants and animals and the positive change that can bring to our society. The overall feel is very hopeful: problems can and will be solved.
8) "Last Chance" by Tyler Young
This short story had a very nice twist that I would have loved to experience in a novel-length story or movie! Humankind has learned from its mistakes and to make sure that every subsequent generation also does, they put their children through hell, lying to them about a completely destroyed Earth so that when they learn the truth they can appreciate the paradise they get to live in.
Could make for a great discussion in class.
9) "Speechless Love" by Yilun Fan (originally in Chinese)
Humanity managed to make Earth uninhabitable. Instead, people now live in hoverships in Earths atmosphere, using the planet as a garbage dump. The setting is a bit too dystopian for my solarpunk likes but the story is quite beautiful: two hovership inhabitants fall in love via text messaging and join their ships together, only one turns out to be not human but a computer programm trying to save the books aboard the hovership of its dead programmer.
10) "A Catalogue of Sunlight at the End of the World" by A.C. Wise
I didn't read the stories in order but left this one for last and man did I regret that. The story is boring as fuck, no way to sugar coat it. I eventually began to skim large sections. An old man watches his family leave for space and remembers his long dead wife. Humanity has left Earth increasingly uninhabitable, especially in the South, so now they set off to find a different planet. Is colonization okay and unproblematic when it's a different planet, not just a different country? There were also no thoughts on not repeating the mistakes of the past.
Overall review: I think solarpunk is a fascinating genre and absolutely something to use in English classes. Two of the texts I would very much like to use in lessons one day. The general selection in this book, however, didn't thrill me. Out of ten stories, eight had female protagonists. Only a few had queer representation which was always wlw, which was the focus even in the one polyam family. Even that one A.I. used she-pronouns which seemed unnecessary. No mlm anywhere which is so typical and it still makes me mad. Also, I felt pregnancy was a very central topic to a degree I thought was weird. I'm gonna go ahead and assume this collection is not representative of the genre, though that would have been nice.

7. "The House in the Cerulean Sea" by TJ Klune 

Date: 21.02.2022 - 28.02.2022
Genre: fantasy
Format: physical book
Language: English
Twitter-Hashtag: #CeruleanSea / #CeruleanSean
Thoughts:
When I picked up this book I admit that I trusted others more than myself. My gut instinct told me that it wasn't the book for me and it was right: it's cute, it's soft, it's wholesome and I had absolutely no patience for its characters. I won't say it's a bad book but I personally didn't enjoy it very much. I especially disliked the protagonist who's best quality is that he's kind at heart. He's also a bit slow, often scared, and lacks confidence, all of which just annoys me. The characters spend a lot of time being good and patient and reminding each other of their worth which quickly got on my nerves.
The setting reminded me a bit of X-Men (but with little children; I do not like little children much) and that holds true in that there are kids who are different and they have a teacher slash father figure who tells them that no matter how mean the world is we must not lash out but be kind ourselves so that one person at a time, the world can learn how wrong it was. That seems to be the message and I find that rather meh.
The book feels completely devoid of action. It's mostly characters talking to each other. At one point we learn something about a character's background: how he had a miserable childhood at an orphanage where he was abused and couldn't control hi powers. It sounds like a fantastic story that I would much rather have read.
Also: the worldbuilding (or lack thereof). You cannot tell me a character is the anti-christ and be done with it. Does the existence of the devil imply the existence of a god? Is Christian mythology real? And where do all the magical children come from? Are they born to non-magical parents like mutants in Marvel comics? In any case, there should be magical adults who will seek to build communities. We hear nothing of this. If there's a were-pomeranian, shouldn't there be other were-dogs or even were-animals? Was Sal bitten and turned into a lycanthrope or was he born that way? Were his parents also were-dogs? Why does no one try and investigate other beings like Chauncey? If he gets sick there will be no doctor for his very special physiology. One might argue that this is not the story the book wants to tell but it is the kind of story I'd be interested in. The way it is it makes for a nice children's story, maybe a nice metaphor about being different, but I like my stories with a bit more substance and my worldbuilding with a bit more logic.
The humor reminded me of Pratchett's style which unfortunately I hate. The whole thing felt more like a children's book than one written for adults but I don't know that's the case? The writing isn't bad. I felt a bit emotional during some scenes. But overall it really wasn't for me.
Quotes:
"He couldn't believe it was only Wednesday.
And it was made worse when he realized it was actually Tuesday." (chp.2)
"I know how the world works. I know the teeth that it has. It can bite you when you least expect it." (chp.10)

8. "The Anthropocene Reviewed" by John Green

Date: 25.02.2022 - 03.03.2022
Genre: non-fiction
Format: audiobook
Language: English
Thoughts:
I subsribed to Vlogbrothers on YouTube at some point in 2008 so at this point John Green's voice is incredibly familiar to me, which is one of the reasons why I wanted to 'read' this as an audiobook. The chapters remind me of John's "thoughts from places" videos which I find very relaxing. Sometimes, while listening, I imagine him sitting in an armchair with the book in his lap, as he reads. Sometimes I imagine him standing in a recording studio in front of a microphone. Sometimes I think it's odd that a person's voice can be so familiar to me when in return they have never heard mine.
Anyway. I obviously liked some chapters more than others but I generally like how they work, how they are structured, how sometimes the narration takes turns I couldn't have anticipated, only to come back to the initial issue in a way that makes perfect sense. I also very much enjoy trying to predict the star rating (side note: I never use star ratings outside of "five stars, all my love" or "one star, hated it" because I find it impossible to put complex feelings that are neither absolute love or absolute disdain into numbers; funnily enough I think that is also kind of the point of the book).
It's also very quotable; see list of quotes below.
Quotes:
"It’s no wonder we worry about the end of the world. Worlds end all the time."
"History, like human life, is at once incredibly fast and agonizingly slow."
"I have some way-down vibrating part of my subconscious that needs to self-destruct, at least a little bit."
"Knowing the facts doesn’t help me picture the truth."
"Most promises featuring the word 'always' are unkeepable. Everything ends, or at least everything
humans have thus far observed ends."
"I worry that having confessed this fragility, you now know where to punch. I know that if I’m hit where I am earnest, I will never recover."
"You can’t see the future coming—not the terrors, for sure, but you also can’t see the wonders that are coming, the moments of light-soaked joy that await each of us."
"It’s been my experience that almost everything easy to mock turns out to be interesting if you pay closer attention."
"As the legendary driver Mario Andretti put it, 'If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.'"
"I don’t like crowds, but I like this crowd, because I’m in an us that doesn’t require a them."

9. "Technophoria" von Niklas Maak

Date: 28.02.2022 - 03.03.2022
Genre: contemporary fiction
Format: physical book
Language: German
Thoughts:
Wenn ich ein Buch für ein Seminar anschaffe, erwarte ich eigentlich nie viel. Während des Seminars hab ich es dann auch nicht gelesen, sondern erst jetzt, nur um überrascht festzustellen, dass es sich erstaunlich angenehm liest (trotz fehlender Anführungszeichen bei der wörtlichen Rede, was ich dem Autor bis zum Ende nicht verziehen habe).
Der Roman zeigt die Möglichkeiten aktueller Technologie auf und bewegt sich technisch allein im Rahmen dessen, was wir heute bereits erleben oder erleben könnten, z.B. den Grad von Überwachung durch unsere technischen Geräte (allen voran unsere Handys), die wir heute schon als Teil unseres Alltags akzeptiert haben. Vor allem vor dem Hintergrund von Snowdens 'Permanent Record' liest sich der Roman sehr interessant. Wenn neue Technologien einige Menschen viel Geld verdienen lassen, den Massen ein bequemeres Leben bieten und dann auch noch gut fürs Klima sind - wie sollen sie dann noch aufzuhalten sein? Gegen Ende sinkt der Spannungsbogen leider deutlich, parallel zum zunehmenden Verfall des Protagonisten Turek. Ich war auch nicht allzu begeistert von seiner Art, sich an jede Frau ranzumachen, mit der er fünf Minuten im gleichen Raum war.
Insgesamt trotzdem kein schlechtes Buch, viele interessante Gedanken und nicht ganz unrealistische Warnungen.
Quotes:
"Er glaubte an die Technik, wie andere an ein höheres Wesen glaubten."
"Die selbstfahrenden Autos [...] funktionierten auf dem Testgelände gut, aber sobald sie in den öffentlichen Raum eindrangen, blieben sie verschüchtert stehen und wurden von den herkömmlichen Autos gemobbt."

MARCH

Books read: 8
Fav of the month: The Last Sun

 1. "Peter Darling" by Austin Chant

Date: 03.03.2022 - 05.03.2022
Genre: fantasy, queer (trans male main character, gay main couple)
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
(This will contain spoilers.)
It says something that I finished this book in a little over two days. I absolutely loved the initial premise: Peter as a trans boy who leaves his old life as Wendy behind to be a boy in Neverland, a place where you get to be who you really are. What an amazing fantasy! However, Peter missed his family and, having found out who he really was, decided to go home and announce to his family his true name and gender. Only they didn't understand it at all and threatened to commit him to an assylum until he renounced his true identity and tried living as Wendy once more. He hated it of course and after several years called Tinker Bell for help and returned to Neverland.
This is where our story begins. Peter, now a young man instead of a boy, returns and wishes for everything to be the way it was, but things have changed: the Lost Boys have a new leader, a boy named Ernest, who brokered a peace with Captain Hook and his pirates. Peter doesn't want peace though, he lives for fighting Hook, nothing makes him happier or makes his heart soar like crossing blades with his rival. He also, slowly, realizes that there's more to his obsession with Hook who is revealed to be an openly and flamboyantly gay man.
The relationship between the two is written brilliantly! The first time Hook pressed Peter against a tree, the time he had him tied to a chair, that one scene where they kiss with a knife between them - it felt like a very well written Hook/Peter fanfiction and I was 100% there for that. I also loved how both Peter and Hook increasingly realize the true nature of Neverland, how it is made up of their own dreams and stories. Hook is closer to the truth: he reveals to Peter that both his Lost Boys and Hook's pirates aren't real people the way they are; they are made up and exist purely to enhence their experience of Neverland. Peter hates this know knowledge as much as he hates the memories of his old life: he doesn't want to be reminded of the world that demands he be Wendy. Hook, on the other hand, remembers more and more of his old life and ends up wishing to return - with Peter.
We get some drama because Peter has very good reasons not to return no matter his newly discovered feelings for Hook (or rather: James). In the end it doesn't take much: a heart-to-heart with the fairy queen and a letter from Hook convince Peter to give up the dream that is Neverland and return to the real world with Hook. Where his body is as it was before he came to Neverland. But Hook doesn't care, at all, doesn't even mention it. It is implied that they begin a happy life together and that is that.
I hate it so much.
I suppose it makes for a nice message: some people might never accept you but others will and those are the people who will see and love you for who you are and that will help you love and accept yourself, yadda yadda. Not what I thought I'd be getting: the way Peter and Hook reacted to each other had so much kink potential! They both liked the fight, liked being rought, liked inflicting and receiving pain! Peter came alive when Hook held him down. That was absolutely, utterly beautiful. I did not get that. Very disappointing.
Additionally... well. If I were given the chance to live in a magical world with the body I always wanted - why would I ever leave? Peter doesn't even live in a time where he can transition a little and there the transition of a trans man's dream sits right before him and he decides against it for no reason I can descern. If I had it my way, they'd have stayed in Neverland. Fuck the real world that shunned them: this is where they belong.
Quotes:
"All that remained of the child was the cruelty of his smile."
    "'I was never so much a pirate as when you started insisting we were mortal enemies', Hook said. 'Before that, I hardly ever thought of myself as a villain. I was barely vicious. And only incidentally cutthroat.'
    'Oh, so it's my fault.'
    'I'm only saying that the story seemed to demand it, and I suspect it was your story.'"
"It had felt so innocent then, so harmless and make-believe. It hadn't felt at all like murder."
"There was a something taking shape between them that was neither friendship nor antagonism. It was somewhere in the middle, where they would smile at each other even as then drew their swords."
    "'Your obsession is flattering, Pan. And I share it.'
    'Obsession?'
    'Is that not what they call it,' Hook said, 'when two men can think of nothing but each other?'"
"His skin was stark canvas begging for ink, and Hook's touch was going to stain him forever."

2. "Ein Leben ist zu wenig" von Gregor Gysi

Date: 04.03.2022 - 11.03.2022
Genre: non-fiction, autobiography
Format: audiobook (abridged)
Language: German
Thoughts:
Als ich das Hörbuch (als Geschenk) gekauft habe, war mir nicht klar, dass es sich um eine gekürzte Fassung handelt. Auch nicht, als ich dann selbst angefangen habe, es zu hören, obwohl die gedruckte Version bei mir im Regal steht. Aber ich höre Gregor Gysi gern zu und mag es generell, wenn Bücher von den Autor*innen selbst gelesen werden. Ich habe mich dann aber beim Verlag erkundigt, um wie viel die Hörbuchfassung gekürzt worden war: stolze 60% fehlen im Vergleich zur Druckausgabe! Das finde ich enttäuschend viel. Ich weiß nicht, wann ich mich aufraffen kann, das Buch in seiner vollen Form zu lesen, jetzt, wo ich schon einen Teil kenne, auch wenn es nur ein Bruchteil ist.
Wer Gysi gerne in seinen Reden hört, wird ihn vermutlich auch in seinem Buch gerne hören und ich denke, dass man ihn auch beim reinen Lesen gut heraushören können wird. Das Buch ist eine Sammlung an Geschichten und Anekdoten aus seinem Leben, eng verflochten mit deutscher Geschichte und Politik. Ein nicht unwesentlicher Teil seines politisch aktiven Lebens fand während meiner Lebenszeit statt und ich fand es sehr spannend, mit jedem Jahr mehr mir bekannte Namen zu hören. Gysi erzählt so humorvoll und süffisant, aber auch ernst, wie man ihn kennt und wie ich es an ihm schätze. Man sieht es der eigentlich sehr langen Hörzeit nicht an, aber wenn ich einmal angefangen habe, konnte ich die CDs gut weghören.
In einem Review hat jemand angemerkt, dass Gysi sich auf persönliche Erfolge beschränkt, statt auch von Misserfolgen und Fehlern zu berichten. Auch war dem Reviwer das Ganze nicht persönlich genug und zu sehr auf Gysis profesisonelles Leben in der Öffentlichkeit beschränkt. Ersteres ist vielleicht nicht ganz falsch, soweit ich das vom Hörbuch beurteilen kann. Letzteres finde ich aber nicht so schlimm. Autobiographie oder nicht, es bleibt immer noch jedem Menschen überlassen, wie viel Privatleben er veröffentlichen will. Und gerade ein Politiker, der einen Großteil seines Lebens in der Öffentlichkeit verbracht hat, ist vermutlich froh um jedes Stück Privatsspähre, das er sich erkämpfen kann.
Fazit: Ich hab das Buch sehr gerne gehört, aber die radikale Kürzung kann ich dem Verlag nicht ganz verzeihen, da kann sie noch so sehr in Absprache mit dem Autor vorgenommen worden sein.
Quotes:
"Dass Reden Silber sei und Schweigen Gold, ist kein Sprichtwort, dass sich als Verhaltenskodex übers Portal eines Parlaments nageln ließe. Überspitzt, mit einem bekannten Aphorismus gesagt: Mikrofone sind das einzige, was sich Politiker gerne vorhalten lassen."

3. "Väterland" von Christophe Léon

Date: 05.03.2022 - 07.03.2022
Genre: dystopia
Format: physical book
Language: German (translated from French)
Thoughts:
Eine neue Partei kommt an die Macht und bald müssen verheiratete schwule und lesbische Paare in einen speziellen, abgeriegelten Stadtteil ziehen, dürfen nicht mehr arbeiten oder die Innenstadt betreten etc. Das ist aber auch das einzige Detail dieser dystopischen Welt, das wirklich beschrieben wird. Werden auch andere Minderheiten diskriminiert? Die Erzählerin ist schwarz und erfährt Rassismus, dieser wird aber nicht in extremer Weise im Gesetz verankert wie die Diskriminierung Schwuler und Lesben. Auch zu anderen queeren Untergruppen erfahren wir nichts, ebenso wenig zur Partei (sie hat nicht mal einen Namen) und ihrem sonstigen Programm. Alles wirkt sehr einseitig und eindimensional. Viel Handlung gibt es auch nicht, es geht in einzelnen Szenen vielmehr darum, den zunehmenden Hass der Bevölkerung und weitere einschränkende Gesetze zu demonstrieren. Dies ist vielleicht auch dem Genre der Novelle geschuldet, für meinen Geschmack hätte es aber auch eine Kurzgeschichte getan, so wenig wie insgesamt passiert. Das Konzept wirkt unausgereift und langweilig. Auch die Sprache erscheint wenig ansprechend, das mag aber der Übersetzung geschuldet sein. Ich bin mir nicht sicher, wer die Zielgruppe des Buchs sein soll, womöglich ist die simple Aufmachung für ein jüngeres Publikum besser geeignet.

4. "Because Internet. Understanding the New Rules of Language" by Gretchen McCulloch

Date: 07.03.2022 - 13.03.2022
Genre: non-fiction, linguistics
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
I started this last year and read like two chapters before kind of forgetting about it. It's not the humorous read I expected from the excerpts I saw on Tumblr some time ago. It is funny, but it is also serious and scientific with sources and older texts and theories to back up its claims beyond arguments that somehow just make sense. So yeah, I had to force myself through it for a bit but I did also enjoy it. Having a bit of a background in linguistics I often knew what McCulloch was talking about even without a detailed explation; I certainly knew where she was coming from with her analysis of internet speak.
It is entertaining to see language phenomena we knew from everyday online life taken apart and explained in detail. I knew that I was communicating in certain ways but not always why. And even when I did (I remember very clearly the time where I said good-bye to periods as the terminator of sentences) I never thought about that instant of language in the grander sceme of things.
The book provides both a history of online communication as well as a fascinating linguistic analysis of it. Oftentimes, what we see as inherently online has roots in a pre-internet past or equivalents in offline communications (emoji are gestures!).
I also learned things that I hadn't known at all before, like that white people use reaction gifs of Black people unproportionally often and how that is related to Black people's emotions being perceived as over the top. I shared a few screenshots of passages from the book on twitter and at least a few people seemed to share my enthusiasm for internet linguistics. It's a bit weird to have memes explained to you, like a joke stops being funny when you explain it, but in many cases it's at the very least interesting, perhaps even educational to see the culture you're a part of in a new light.
Quotes:
"IBM experimented with adding Urban Dictionary data to its artificial intelligence system Watson, only to scrub it all out again when the computer started swearing at them."
"Our modern, Western notion that authorship should be solo and original is comparatively young and culturally bound, dating back only to after we had the ability to make faithful and exact copies at a mass scale. Copyright started evolving into its modern form in the centuries after the invention of the printing press made copying easy. In other words, we've had the right to adapt longer than we've had the right to prevent copying."
"Language is the ultimate participatory democracy. To put it in technological terms, language is humanity's most spectacular open source project."

5. "Amerikas Gotteskrieger. Wie die Religiöse Rechte die Demokratie gefährdet" von Annika Brockschmidt

Date: 13.03.2022 - 25.03.2022
Genre: non-fiction, politics, history, religion
Format: physical book
Language: German
Thoughts:
Dieses Buch hat mich etwas schockiert zurückgelassen. Ich hatte schon eine gewisse Vorstellung davon, dass die USA insgesamt religiöser sind als Deutschland, aber ich hatte keine Ahnung, wie aktiv religiöse Gruppen tatsächlich sind und wie sehr sie politischen Einfluss nicht nur anstreben, sondern bereits tatsächlich ausüben. Vieles, was ich bei der Lektüre erfahren habe, klingt wie etwas aus den Seiten eines dystopischen Romans.
Dinge, die ich vorher nicht wusste, die mir nicht klar waren oder die mir einfach besonders im Gedächtnis geblieben sind:
Es gibt "patriotische Bibeln", die neben dem Bibeltext Sachen wie den Pledge of Allediance, die Verfassung, die Unabhängigkeitserklärung und die Bill of Rights enthalten, um quasi nahezulegen, dass diese Texte auch von Gott inspiriert sind. Was zur Hölle!?
Support des christlichen Nationalismus bzw. der religiösen Rechten ist für republikanische Präsidentschaftskadidaten unerlässlich; ohne die große Wählergruppe amerikanischer Christen ist eine Wahl nicht zu gewinnen. Aber auch demokratische Kandidaten hofieren bestimmte Gruppen und Persönlichkeiten; in ihrer Partei ist es nur nicht ganz so sehr institutionalisiert.
Christen (bzw. nationalistische/rechte christliche Gruppierungen) standen nicht immer nur hinter Republikanern. Allerdings haben sie irgendwann ihre Identität (und die damit verbundenen Werte) gegen Ideologie getauscht: es ging nicht mehr um die christliche Einstellung des Kandiaten, sondern nur noch um bestimmte Themen wie z.B. Abtreibung. Geboren wurde dieser harte Extremismus v.a. aus Rassismus: man wollte Segregation an Schulen etc beibehalten dürfen und stellte sich hinter jeden Kandidaten und jede Partei, die das ermöglichte.
Aus diesem Wandel lässt sich auch der Support für Trump erklären, der nicht wirklich christlich ist (mehrfach verheiratet, Ehebrecher, kennt keine Bibelstellen etc.). Er wird von der religiösen Rechten mit König David aus der Bibel verglichen, der ebenfalls in vielerlei Hinsicht ein schlechter Mensch war, ein Mörder und Ehebrecher. Aber - und nur das ist entscheidend - er war von Gott erwählt, und eben das glauben sie heute auch von Trump.
Den Grundtenor des Buches hat man nach wenigen Kapiteln verstanden; die folgenden Kapitel arbeiten das Thema aber in erschreckender Tiefe aus: wie lang die religiöse Rechte schon an ihrem politischen Einfluss arbeitet und was sie antreibt, wo und wie sie genau aktiv wird. Dabei fällt ihre Aufmerksamkeit in jüngerer Vergangenheit auch vermehrt auf queere Menschen, was sich z.B. in bereits verabschiedeten transfeindlichen Gesetzen widerspiegelt. Die Botschaft ist klar: woimmer Republikaner gewählt werden, werden die Interessen nationalistischer christlicher Gruppen vertreten werden.

6. "The Last Sun" by K.D. Edwards

Series: The Tarot Sequence (book 1)
Date: 19.03.22 - 24.03.22
Genre: fantasy, urban fantasy, queer (gay protagonist, gay relationship)
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
I enjoyed this one from start to finish! First person narration is not my favorite but it works well for Rune and I'm glad the point of view stays with him throughout the novel. He's a strong, confident character and his bickering with Brand was actually fun to read (that kinda thing often annoys me). I absolutely love the tarot-based worldbuilding and magic as well as the idea of the companion bond. The drama of Rune's background was built up nicely with a great finale. The zombies got a bit monotonous after a while but I like that the author took the time to write out the fight scenes, something other authors tend to shy away from (at least in the books I've read recently). I was reminded of the Souldbound books by Hailey Turner I abandoned a while ago, but without the constant "I need a sit rep". XD I loved all the characters and already ordered book two so I can finish it in time for the release of the third.
Quotes:
“My name is Rune Saint John. I am, before anything else, a survivor.”
    “Do we need to talk about last night?”
    “Absolutely. That’s how I always get ready for battle, talking about my feelings.”

7. "Winter's Orbit" by Everina Maxwell

Date: 25.03.2022 - 01.05.2022
Genre: science fiction, queer (bi main characters, gay relationship)
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
This took me forever to finish because I hated pretty much every single page. Honestly, I should have stopped reading but a) I had some small hope that I might discover a redeeming quality if I kept going and b) I can be very stubborn. I will say, the book got better in the second half but that still doesn't mean much. Regardless, the first 200 pages could be scrapped and it would make the book better, in my opinion. I'd still hate it, but it'd be better.
The worst offenders are the two main characters whom I grew to hate with a passion. Kiem is the most likeable of the two and he is absolutely and 100% useless. He has no skills whatsoever except maybe small talk. Wow. Every time he needs to get something even vaguely difficult done he has to turn to someone else, most notably his personal aide, Bel, who is probably the most interesting and competent character in the entire book. A more sensible author would have made their story about someone like her.
Then there's Jainan who's chapters I quickly came to dread. He has a wet towel in place of an actual personality and scores minus points on the confidence chart. Yes, his fate is quite tragic but that's no excuse for being the most boring piece of sentences on a page ever created by man. He has some skills, in theory, but is so fucking weak-willed he'd rather stand in a corner doing nothing than utilizing them, unless someone tells him otherwise.
The two of them are forced into marriage (nice) and spend a whopping 200 pages or so liking each other on sight but not admitting it to the other for no reason whatsoever. Instead they both assume the respective other person hates them. Horrible communication for drama's sake, one of my least favorite tropes. They have to work together to save the universe though and they do that by looking things up in files and then instantly running to the proper authorities when they find something. Exciting! It's a bit of a feat to make a secret murder investigation, an assassination attempt and almost full out war seem boring.
Positive things: a pretty cover. An interesting approach to gender (people wear jewelry that indicates their gender). That's it. I'm glad I only bought the ebook so I don't have to actively get rid of a physical copy.

8. "WILL" by Will Smith (with Mark Manson)

Date: 25.03.2022 - 03.04.2022
Genre: non-fiction, autobiography
Format: physical book & audio book
Language: English
Thoughts:
This is the kind of book that they will one day base a movie on. It reads like a blockbuster and I'm guessing that's no accident. I suppose it helps that I was both reading and listening to this book at the same time. Will Smith's narration of his own life is an experience! The audio book is a fantastic production: it has background music, rap, Will Smith voice acting the dialogue, and even an actual scene from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
I gotta admit, I loved the parts where he talked about that show. I loved watching it as a kid and learning all the 'backstage' stuff was so much fun. But the book is a lot more than that: it is fun, yes, but it's also serious, heartbreaking and educational. Will Smith takes you on a journey of his life so far - up to his 50th birthday - and shares with the reader all the lessons he learned, often painfully.
The story of this book is both entertaining and deeply personal. A great read and definite recommendation!
Quotes:
"How we decide to respond to our fears, that is the person we become." (p.14)
"Offered the choice between the infinite playground of my imagination and a reality filled with constant threat, my mind chose fantasy." (p.29)
"Living is the journey from not knowing to knowing. From not understanding to understanding. From confusion to clarity. By universal design you are born into a perflexing situation, bewildered, and you have one job as a human: figure this shit out." (p.114)
"Overcoming ignorance is the whole point of the journey. You're not supposed to know at the beginning. The whole point of venturing into uncertainty is to bring light to the darkness of our ignorance." (p.114)
"There are few things more embarrassing than forgetting the words to the one song that eighteen thousand people spent their hard-earned money to come and hear. But something miraculous happened: The entire crowd began to sing the lyrics back to me. Every person knew every word. I held the mic out to the crowd, and they finished the song. It took everything I had not to burst into tears. Thousands of people saying my words back to me. I felt loved, protected, and cradled by a crowd of strangers." (p.134)
"We all have to contend with the natural process of destruction. Everything is impermanent [...]. Everything changes; it rises, and it falls. Nothing and no one is immune to the entropy of the universe. This is why self-destruction is such a crime. It's hard enough as it is." (p.158)
"It's respectable to lose to the universe. It's a tragedy to lose to yourself." (p.159)
"My sense of control was actually an illusion. Surrender transformed from a weakness word to an infinite power concept. [...] Letting go was equally as powerful as grasping." (p.386)

APRIL

Books read: 4
Fav of the month: The Hanged Man

1. "The Three Escapes of Hannah Arendt. A Tyranny of Truth" by Ken Krimstein

Date: 04.04.2022 - 05.04.2022
Genre: non-fiction, biography, graphic novel
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
I read excerpts from Arendt's texts for various classes and always liked them so when my therapist recommended this graphic novel I went for it. It was interesting enough but I think I would have prefered a more traditional biography. The art didn't do anything for me and certainly didn't add to the experience. It felt like an abridged version of Arendt's life. I liked that the author included a 'further reading' list at the end so if I ever feel in the mood for more I at least know where to start.

 

2. "The Sunken Mall" by K.D. Edwards 

Series: The Tarot Sequence (novella)
Date: 05.04.2022 - 10.04.2022
Genre: fantasy, urban fantasy, queer (gay protagonist, gay relationship)
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
A fun story to spend some more time with the characters. The plot was a bit weird and clearly written in a way that made it possible to never mention it again in the actual novels. It was fun to see Rune and Brand "at work" and I think it's important for them to spend that kind of time with Max who is becoming a part of their family. They can't just sit with him at home peacefully; if they are to grow together they need to fight together. And I very much appreciated Rune's enormous daddy issues. XD

3. "Friedrich der Große. Ein biografisches Portrait" von Wolfgang Burgdorf

Date: 08.04.2022 - 04.05.2022
Genre: non-fiction, history, biography
Format: physical book
Language: German
Thoughts:
Ich habe schon das eine oder andere Werk über deutsche und preussische Geschichte und über Friedrich den Großen gelesen. Mit 222 Seiten ist dieses nicht das dickste Buch, aber es ist mit am angenehmsten zu lesen! Erfrischend finde ich auch, wie offen der Autor mit Friedrichs Homosexualität umgeht, wie er sich sogar über jene Historiker echauffiert, die Geschichten von Geschlechtskrankheiten und dergleichen erfanden, um ein bestimmtes - aber falsches - Bild Friedrich des Großen zu zeichnen. Ein ganzes, sehr ausführliches Kapitel widmet Burdorf Friedrichs diversen Liebschaften, zeigt auf, welcher Natur sie waren und in welcher Form sie historisch belegt sind. Immer wieder zitiert er aus Briefen Friedrichs und anderer Akteure, was die Ereignisse sehr lebendig wirken lässt. Ein lehrreiche und unterhaltsamer kleiner Band!

4. "The Hanged Man" by K.D. Edwards

Series: The Tarot Sequence (book 2)
Date: 10.04.2022 - 17.04.2022
Genre: fantasy, urban fantasy, queer (gay protagonist, gay relationship)
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
I didn't enjoy this one quite as much as the first one but I still liked it a lot! 'The Last Sun' left me wanting to know more about the world and the other Arcana and 'The Hanged Man' provided just that. The plot was already hinted at in the last book and I was looking forward to seeing how it played out. It wasn't like I expected. Max was the catalyst but didn't get to actually do much of anything which disappointed me as much as it did him, I suppose. I wish the author would actually do something with him now that he's been introduced as part of Rune's team. Keeping my hopes up for book three! Anyway, I did like all the other Arcana that made appearances, they are cool characters; I was afraid I'd dislike Lady Death but ended up liking her well enough (I called her "Black Elsa" 8D). Unfortunately she (and some of the other characters) were so powerful that Rune was completely outplayed and didn't get to do much at the end.
I dislike Quinn more and more; I do feel the author over-employs his powers. Rune never has to figure things out, all the information is delivered to him via prophet. Quinn always knows just enough to send him in the direction the plot requires. Addam isn't very interesting either; he's loving and supporting, patient and perfect. Boring. But what I hated most about the book was this trope I absolutely abhor: it's the female character who is introduced with skills almost exactly like some male character's, only she's so much better at it. Corinne and Anna fall into this category and I cannot even begin to tell you how much I hate both of them. They almost ruined the entire book for me.
I can only hope they'll play less of a role in the future but I'm afraid I shouldn't get my hopes up...
Quotes:
"There's light coming through the window. That means the sun is still on the wrong side of the sky. Why are you waking me up while the sun is on the wrong side of the sky?"
    "'Maybe I could seek an audience with the Hanged Man.'
    'That's an idea. But first, let me tell you a story that will demonstrate my thougts on the matter.' He put his mouth against my ear and said, 'No!'!
"Interfering with the weather was forbidden magic. Like all forbidden magic, the potential for creating a global domino chain of catastrophe was a starkly real possibility."
"We squeezed into the chair, side by side. It'd make it easier to talk in a low voice. Also, really, it was a comfortable position, ingrained since childhood. That was how we'd learned about the world: squeezed side by side, murmuring questions in each other's ears."
"Only the Tower would take the time to use a semicolon in a text."
    "Brand cleared his throat. 'I may be able to help with that. I... forgot... I had some plastique on me.'
    'Brandon,' Lord Tower sighed.
    'I brought some accidentally as well,' Mayan said in solidarity with Brand.
"'Okay, see,' Brand said, 'if you look at it from a certain perspective, someone might think that it was my ankle Lord Hierophant accidentally tripped over.'"

MAY

Books read: 3
Books dropped: 2
Fav of the month: Jurassic Park

 1. "The Eye of the World" by Robert Jordan

Series: The Wheel of Time (book 1)
Date: 04.05.2022 - DNF: 14.05.2022
Genre: fantasy
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
- buddy read with my mom! (she seems to love it)
- boring
- the three boys do nothing except bemoaning their interesting lives
- the teenagers never get to do anything on their own, there's always an adult with them; god beware they have to make a decision
- women/girls are always more capable and more knowledgeable. always.
- men can't do magic because the male side of magic is evil

2. "Zwei Prager Geschichten" von Rainer Maria Rilke

Rating: ★★★
Date: 14.05.2022 - 17.05.2022
Genre: 19th century fiction
Format: physical book
Language: German
Thoughts:
1) König Bohusch
Ich habe mich gleich zu Anfang zu einer queeren Lesart entschlossen, mit der mir die Geschichte dann auch viel Freude bereitet hat. Der Student Rezek beginnt, dem Buckligen, der auf den Spottnamen 'König Bohusch' hört, zuzuhören und erfährt von einem geheimen Gang in dessen Keller, den er sich dann auch gleich zeigen lässt. Bohusch findet über die vermeintliche Freundschaft mit Rezek zu sich selbst: er redet mehr, findet Selbstvertrauen und Liebe zu sich selbst mit der Liebe zu seinem Land. Aber Rezek nutzt ihn nur aus und Bohusch kommt über den Verrat nie hinweg; er stirbt daran. Das Ganze findet statt vor der konfliktreichen deutsch-tschechischen Beziehung des ausgehenden 19. Jahrhunderts.
2) Die Geschwister
Zeitlich eine Fortsetzung der ersten Geschichte, doch lediglich der Student Rezek taucht kurz auf. Es geht um Tod und Leben und das Finden des Selbst, doch diesmal endet die Angelegenheit positiv, zumindest für Luisa. Während ihr älterer Bruder Zdenko mit den tschechisch-nationalen Gedanken hadert und schließlich recht unspektakulär an einer Krankheit stirbt, kann Luisa in seiner Abwesenheit endlich aus seinem und ihrem eigenen Schatten treten und in ein eigenes, glückliches Leben finden.
Quotes:
"Wir besitzen von der Vergangenheit nur das, was wir lieben. Und wir wollen alles Erlebte besitzen."
"Seine Worte hatten einen seltsamen Klang; sie trugen das Schlagen seines Herzens mit, welches er in der Kehle spürte und welches immer wilder und ungestümer wurde."
"Er neigte sich inniger seinem blassen Schwesterchen zu und suchte sich gleichsam wiederzuerkennen in diesen flüchtigen Augenblicken einer reinen Liebe."

3. "Phönix aus der Asche. Redensarten, die Europa verbinden" von Rolf-Bernhard Essig

Date: 17.05.2022 - DNF: 20.05.2022
Genre: non-fiction, linguistics
Format: physical book
Language: German
Thoughts:
- viel zu langatmig
- der Autor füllt die Seiten mit unnötigem Gerede
- die interessanten Parts könnten einfach eine Tabelle sein
- viel wirklich Neues/Spannendes kommt nicht dabei rum

 

4. "Jurassic Park" by Michael Crichton

Rating: ★★★★
Date: 20.05.2022 - 26.05.2022
Genre: science fiction, thriller
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
I've been a big Jurassic Park fan since I was a kid so there's really no reason it has taken me so long to read this book. It's a fantastic read! Not a boring page in sight despite the fact that I already knew the plot. Of course, there are certain differences between book and movie but I can't even say one version is inherently better than the other. Excellent choices were made for the adaption to screen but the changes only made the novel more interesting to read. In fact, I'd say it's better, in this case, to see the movie first. The movie makes you fall in love with the idea of Jurassic Park - then it shows you, in the most horrible way, why it's a really, really bad idea. The book is different here: it pretty much tells you the park is a bad idea from the beginning and then continues to show you why, in horrible detail.
I loved every single page!
Hammond, I think, is one of the biggest differences: he's a ruthless capitalist, naive but in a reckless way. He straight out says he doesn't want to invest money in medicine because there's less money to be had. Dinosaurs are entertainment and he can squeeze as much money out of people for the experiences as he wants. He also has no empathy for the people who die on his island. Up until the very end he is incapable of seeing his venture as a mistake in any way.
Criticism: the book loses points for sexism (Ellie is the only notable female character, not counting the little girl, and men objectify or ignore her all the time because she's a woman) and racism (the only black characters are nameless men who open car doors for the main cast). Also, if you didn't like the often senseless violence from the dinosaurs in the movie you will probably not like it here.
Despite these things I found Jurassic Park to be an extremely entertaining adventure novel. I'm already looking forward the the sequel!
Quotes:
1) "And finally, as if to emphazise their emergence rom academia into the world, they dressed and spoke with what one senior mathematician called 'a deplorable excess of personality.' In fact, they often behaved like rock stars."
2) "Story of our species," Malcolm said, laughing. "Everybody knows it's coming, but not so soon."
3) "These animals are genetically engineered to be unable to survive in the real world. They can only live here in Jurassic Park. They are not free at all. They are essentially our prisoners."
4) "The idea of living creatures being numbered like software, being subject to updates and revisions, troubled Grant. He could not exactly say why - it was too new a thought - but he was instinctively uneasy about it. They were, after all, living creatures..."
5) "The history of evolution is that life escapes all barriers. Life breaks free. Life expands to new territories. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously. But life finds a way."
6) "Scientists are actually preoccupied with accomplishment. So they are focused on whether they can do something. They never stop to ask if they should do something."
7) "The raptors got out," Hammond said.
"Did they," Malcolm said, breathing shallowly. "How could that possibly happen?"
"It was a system screwup. Arnold didn't realize that the auxiliary power was on, and the fences cut out."
"Did they."
"Go to hell, you supercilious bastard."
8) "You're a bigger fool than I thought you were. And I thought you were a very substantial fool."

5. "Pantopia" von Theresa Hannig

Rating: ★★★★
Date: 27.05.2022 - 03.06.2022
Genre: science fiction, utopia/dystopia?
Format: physical book
Language: German
Thoughts:
Aus einem Programm, das Börsengeschäfte durchführen sollte, erwacht die erste starke KI der Welt: Einbug. Als vernunftbegabtes Wesen beschließt Einbug zusammen mit seinen Erschaffern, Henry und Patricia, die Welt zu Gunsten der Menschheit zu verbessern. Er gründet Pandopia, eine Utopie voll transparenten Kapitalismus', in der Umweltverschmutzung und Ausbeutung in den Preis eines Produktes einkalkuliert werden. Spätestens nachdem Pantopias Ziel, die Nationalstaaten auflösen zu wollen, bekannt wird, wird die internationale Polizei auf das Projekt aufmerksam und es kommt auf den Willen der neuen Weltrepublik an, um zu sehen, ob sie sich durchsetzen kann.

JUNI

Books read: 7
Books dropped: 2
Fav of the month: DOCILE

1. "Siege Weapons" by Harry F. Rey

Rating: ★★★
Date: 02.06.2022 - 07.06.2022
Genre: science fiction, queer (gay MC)
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
I was very optimistic in the beginning but it quickly became clear that the story lacks any kind of common thread, of continuity. It feels like the author doesn't quite know what kind of story they're trying to write. Scenes begin to go in one direction, then are almost immediately interrupted and turn into something completely else. Some scenes in the beginning take up a lot of time without contributing to the story as a whole. It wasn't an entirely bad read though. It feels like the first, rough draft of a story that might one day turn into a very good book, after some heavy revisions. I mean this, mostly, as compliment. If this ever gets re-published after editing I would pick it up again.
This also feels like something self-indulgent I might come up as a bedtime story for myself (maybe that's why I feel so forgiving about it): scenes are fun on their own but don't quite fit together. One moment it's kinky shit, then it's PTSD, then fatalistic weed smoking. Ales is a good protagonist but he seems inconsistent to me in what he wants. He needs as much work as the story as a whole, but I can see a lot of potential.

2. "DOCILE" by K.M. Szpara

Rating: ★★★★★
Date: 04.06.2022 - 08.06.2022
Genre: queer, dystopia
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
This is going down as one of my all time favorite books.
The world of "Docile" is America, only even more dystopian than it already is today. People can inherit intergenerational debt and if they cannot pay back the millions that accumulate that way, they face debtor's prison. There is a way out though: become a so-called 'docile', basically a slave, usually for a limited amout of time, and work off your family's debt. To make the horrible conditions these dociles face more bearable, they are offered a drug called dociline that turns them into pleasant and 100% obedient dolls who will not remember their time in servitude once it's over. On the other side of society lives the hyper-rich elite, trillionaires who can afford to pay huge amounts of money for dociles to serve their every whim. The way their style (fashion etc) is described reminded me of the capitol in the Hungergames novels.
Beautiful. It's absolutely horrible and I love it.
Elisha's family has three millions dollars in debt and his father considers selling off his younger sister to make up for it. His mother already served a ten year term but came back four years ago with severe side effects from the dociline drug: its effects never wore of as they should have. So Elisha is determined to become a docile and save his family but will not, under any circumstances, take the drug, afraid he might turn out like his mother. He ends up signing a life term with Alexander Bishop III, heir to the very company who produces dociline.
Alex needs to prove to his family that he can maintain a relationship or take care of a personal docile. Having just broken things off with his lover he picks the latter option. He did not expect Elisha to refuse dociline (as is his right). Unexpectedly forced to work with an actual person instead of a living doll Alex decides that the only way to impress his family and company is to turn Elisha into the perfect off-med docile.
The two enter into what is basically a 24/7 TPE relationship, only neither of them know what they're doing. Alex sets up rules and administers punishment. He puts Elisha through traumatizing events other dociles only experience on drugs. Six months pass and unfortunately, Alex' plan works all too well: Elisha eventually becomes completely dependent on him, living for nothing but Alex' happiness. Not everything goes according to plan though: Alex realizes he has fallen in love with Elisha; at the same time, he knows he's turned Elisha into someone who does not have the agency to love him back.
Things fall apart around them. Alex wants Elisha to be free and to become a person again. His friends and family want him to become a ruthless producer of dociline once more. A human rights organization works against Alex and he starts to encourage them.
This story is fucked up and beautiful, I love the ending, I love the characters, I could hardly put it down from the moment I started. I would love more books like these.

3. "We're Here, We're Here" by K.M. Szpara

Rating: ★★★
Date: 08.06.2022 - 09.06.2022
Genre: short story, queer (trans, gay)
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
The idea reminded me of an Administration story: a boyband with vocal implants that can control their voices. The four boys are very queer but their label has very strict ideas of what kind of personality they should each project for the fans. Tyler learns that the hard way when he kisses a fellow band member on stage and then doesn't toe the party line during the following interview. So their manager takes his voice away completely, something the boys weren't even aware is possible. The four of them have a cute heart to heart and during their next performance force their manager to give Tyler his voice back. Then it ends without an actual resolution. Do the boys fight their label over being their true selves on stage? Do they win or does the label take away their voices and/or careers? The story was nice but lacked any kind of impact. Could be a decent setting for an actual book or novella, similar to that BC story in The Administration.

4. "The Great Atlantean Battle Royalchemy" by K.D. Edwards

Rating: ★★★
Date: 08.06.2022 - 12.06.2022
Genre: urban fantasy, queer
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
It's really cool that K.D. keeps supplying us with free extra content!
chapter 1: I hate the children.
chapter 2: We're starting slowly.
chapter 3: Brand's POV! (in 3rd person) Nice touch. Layne seems to be okay?
chapter 4: Looks like a pretty decent plot so far. I like how Max and Layne are doing, I think.
chapter 5: Max hates it when Rune and Brand argue. ;__;x And now they say they're not really arguing. Their bickering does go a bit far more often than not. Neither me or other characters can tell the difference between their bagging and actually being mad anymore. It helps when there's actual plot, as in murder attempts.
chapter 6: I really like that they are involving Max properly.
chapter 7: Max's POV! (in 1st person)  Max thinking Brand is hot is very cute. I'd like to think that he's crushing on both Brand and Rune and I would read that fanfic. Layne is cool but his magic is gory and disgusting; I wish I could have liked it because it's necromancy.
chapter 8: I think the story was fine without Quinn and Addam. It gave Max and Layne more to do. Bit funny though: that Alchemy competition sounds exactly like one of those competitive baking shows! The ending was a bit... sudden? Quick? Nothing really happened. A few fore-shadowing hints were made but that's all. Everyone got superfluous cameos. And I still hate the children.
Quotes:
1) "What did you do."
Despite the million people that could refer to, and the millions things it could be about, everyone looked at me.
2) "It's that photo with that haircut," he added, which made perfect sense to him, and didn't sound like a compliment.
3) I was on a sofa, my head resting against Addam's shoulder. Brand was sprawled on the other end of the couch, his feet draped across both our laps.

5. "Transidentität und drittes Geschlecht im Arbeitsumfeld. Ein Praxisbuch für Unternehmen und den öffentlichen Dienst" von David Scholz (Hrsg.)

Rating: ★★★★★
Date: 09.06.2022 - 20.06.2022
Genre: non-fiction, queer (trans, inter)
Format: print
Language: German
Thoughts:
Kurz zum Rating: Ich gebe dem Buch nicht deshalb fünf Sterne, weil es so unterhaltsam zu lesen ist, sondern weil ich finde, dass es für das berufliche Leben von trans Menschen unglaublich gewinnbringend sein kann. Ich würde mir wünschen, dass es in möglichst vielen Betrieben und Behörden gelesen wird und dort als dauerhaftes Nachschlagewerk zur Verfügung steht. Ich werde es sicher noch häufig zu diesem Zweck empfehlen.
Im Buch werden sowohl die Hintergründe und Perspektiven von trans Menschen beleuchtet, als auch ihre rechtliche Situation im und außerhalb des Berufslebens. Es bietet sehr konkrete Beispiele und Leitfäden für Arbeitgebende, wie mit der Situation von trans Menschen im Unternehmen/in der Behörde/im Kollegium umzugehen ist. Wo keine klaren rechtlichen Gegebenheiten herrschen, werden Anregungen geboten. Durch Wissensvermittlung soll die Voraussetzung für Akzeptanz und Unterstützung geschaffen werden.
Stellenweise ist mir das Buch ein wenig zu naiv: zwar wird durchaus auch auf negative Erfahrungen von trans Personen eingegangen, zumeist wird aber sehr optimistisch davon ausgegangen, dass der gute Wille eigentlich immer vorhanden ist und Menschen lernwillig und -freudig sind. Das ist in der Realität nun einmal nicht der Fall und es muss davon ausgegangen werden, dass es bei allen Beteiligten (Mitarbeitende, Vorgesetzte, Kund*innen) auch solche gibt, die den rechtlichen Rahmen nach Möglichkeit gegen eine trans Person auslegen.
Faszinierend finde ich auch, dass zuweilen Schreibweisen verwendet werden, die in meinem queeren Umfeld gar nicht gehen. Zum Beispiel habe ich gelernt, dass es "trans Mann" heißt, niemals aber "Transmann", schließlich sagt man ja auch "blaues Auto" und nicht "Blauauto".
Unabhängig davon halte ich dieses Buch für ungemein wichtig und hoffe, dass es sich als gängiges Nachschlagewerk durchsetzt. Auch wenn womöglich eine Neuauflage nötig wird, sollten wir in dieser Legislaturperiode noch ein Selbstbestimmungsgesetz bekommen, da sich viele Abschnitte auf das aktuell noch geltende TSG beziehen.

6. "The Alpha's Son" by Penny Jessup

Date: 12.06.2022 - DNF: 12.06.2022
Genre: queer, urban fantasy (werewolves)
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
- I wasn't expecting a masterpiece or even something imaginative
- but this is so badly written and the characters are so boring
- reads like it was written by an actual teenager, typed into a chat window and sent directly to print
- horrible.

7. "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde

Rating: ★★
Date: 12.06.2022 - 23.06.2022
Genre: 19th century fiction, gothic, philosphy
Format: print & audio (read by Ben Barnes)
Language: English
Thoughts:
I've been meaning to read this book for ages, it's been sitting on my shelf for years now. It's only about 250 pages and I didn't think it would take me long to read. Early on there were passages that dragged a bit so I found an audio book and listened while I read. Ben Barnes reads this one beautifully! I 100% recommend his version (I just found out he played Dorian in the 2009 movie).
I liked the first half of the book well enough, even though the characters (especially Harry) would talk absolute nonsense just to sound fancy. I like the general idea, that Harry put that one thought into Dorian's pretty, empty head and it was enough to corrupt him, and that Dorian carried that corruption on to others. If one wants to go for the queer reading, Harry opened the gay world to Dorian but it came with a price, because living a gay life did not come free at that time. Still, I'm honestly glad I'm done with it. There were a few nice moments (and the first half was very quotable) but they never developed into anything. Then came chapter eleven that was so tedious I almost fell asleep and it took the book ages to get more interesting again. 90% of the book are people talking about absolutely nothing. The remaining 10% aren't particularly fun either.
I'm mostly disappointed; I'm not sure what I expected but it wasn't this. The thing is, I generally have a hard time with the classics; maybe one day I'll find access to this story but today isn't that day.
Quotes:
1) Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.
2) There is no such thing as a moral or immoral book. Books are well written or badly witten. That is all.
3) "To influence a person is to give him one's own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions. His virtues are not real to him. His sins, if there are such things as sins, are borrowed. He becomes an echo of someone else's music, an actor of a part that has not been written for him."
4) "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
5) "I wonder who it was defined man as a rational animal. It was the most premature definition ever given. Man is many things, but he is not rational."
6) Talking to him was like playing an exquisite violin. He answered to every  touch and thrill of the bow.
7) He would seek to dominate him - had already, indeed, half done so. He would make that wonderful spirit his own. There was something fascinating in this son of Love and Death.
8) When we blame ourselves we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.

 

8. "Great Mirrors Shattered. Homosexuality, Orientalism, and Japan." by John Whittier Treat

Date: 21.06.2022 - DNF: 30.06.2022
Genre: non-fiction, history, memoir, queer
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
- time jumps are confusing
- just not very interesting
- might need more patience for this one

9. "The Hourglass Throne" by K.D. Edwards

Rating: ★★★★☆
Series: The Tarot Sequence (book 3)
Date: 23.06.2022 - 29.06.2022
Genre: urban fantasy, queer
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
I had so much fun reading this book! The Hanged Man was weaker than The Last Sun but this part did the series justice again. This is largely due to the excellent amount of screentime awarded to the Tower, I enjoyed every action and interaction of that character so much! The book also "revealed" his first name. It might have been mentioned before (in or outside the books) because I remember seeing it on AO3 but I must have gone into denial like nobody's business because it hit me full force again: ANTON. Characters I love need to stop having disappointing names starting with A. Anyway, I love the Tower unconditionally. I love how he went "mine" when Mayan was mind-controlled. I love his daddy/mentor relationship with Rune. I love that both Rune and Brand were into him at some point (Brand hugging the Tower is peak content). I love how powerful he his and how he interacts with other strong Arcana. Everyone knows he's endboss level strong and no one dares to fuck with him. He can be both strict and kind, but he's always competent and prepared for all kinds of shit that might go down. I like that in a character.
Which is why I was SO. FUCKING. MAD. at the end. I even kinda called it the night before. I'm afraid though I'll have to go Tim Drake on this one and believe.
I liked KD revealed the truth behind the fall of the Sun Throne. It had to be something so bad that Rune would do anything to stop it from getting out, and I think this does the trick. One, he's protecting himself because he sees it as (partly) his fault and he's not wrong. Of course it's not fair: he was a teenager and teenagers make mistakes. Only his turned out to have the worst kind of consequences. And two, he's protecting Brand because knowing he was the tool of destruction to both the Sun Throne and Rune personally would absolutely destroy him. The whole thing was also woven into a beautiful scene between Rune and Addam. I like how their relationship is growing into a three-way thing with Brand because you cannot date Rune without also kinda dating Brand, it just doesn't work. The thing is that I don't quite feel Rune's emotions for Addam and I really don't see them between Addam and Brand. But I'm very willing so see it develop.
Things I liked:
Ciaran being the Magician. Also, Ciaran in general, as well as his relationship with Layne. Loving it all!
That scene where Rune and Brand get high. Pure beauty from start to finish.
The fact that Lady Time took away Quinn's powers. Thank you, that was necessary.
Things I felt 'eh' about:
Rune needs to step up his fucking game. Yes, he always pulls some magical ace out of his sleeve in the end but this is usually something inherent he was born with, not some actual skill he worked on. Brand kills more (magical) opponents with his knives than Rune does with all his magic. Brand manages to free them while chained up and drugged. Addam gets them information in an environment completely foreign to him. Rune doesn't even manage to lead his friends around following a piece of string. He could believably be more capable and I don't understand why KD lets him fumble so much.
What I hated:
The children, Anna and Corbie (and by extension, Corinne, she brings nothing to the story). Corbie especially ruins every scene he's in and annoys me with his toys and candy.
I also hate when fiction acknowledges the existence of covid, and this book has the gall to make it out like it's just over; if you're not going to write about the real thing - a virus that is not going away any time soon and that changes pretty much every aspect of human life and interaction - then don't include it in the first place. I realize this is a personal preference; other people might like the exact things I hate about it. I feel reminded of something that keeps ruining my life and it kills my immersion in the story.
Still, overall I loved this book and would have liked the ending except for that thing with the Tower.
Quotes:
1) "Trust me, I have no desire to go into battle against her unless I'm there to hold the Tower's jacket."
2) Lord Tower made a bored gesture with his hand, but at least it was one of acknowledgement.
3) Lord Tower put his hands behind Mayan's head and drew their foreheads together.
"Mine," he hissed.
4) "They're all acting officious arguing about attendance, and Ciaran is standing on the table tilting the chandelier so that the light hits him just right. Companions in the room will be the least of it."
5) "It's important that I say this," I told him.
"It's not important, it's importune. I'm not doing this in my good eyeliner, Sun!"
6) And maybe you would have been a shit boyfriend, but you were a half-decent dad.
7) Oh, you bastard. You magnificent bastard. I was just starting to have fun with you.
8) "I'd accept that, normally, only the thing is..."
"The thing is, he's the motherfucking Tower," Mayan finished.

JULY

Books read: 3
Books dropped: 1
Fav of the month: The Binding

1. "First, Become Ashes" by K.M. Szpara

Rating: ★★★
Date: 01.07.2022 - 03.07.2022
Genre: queer, fantasy elements
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
After enjoying 'DOCILE' so much I was very much looking forward to this book! It has a list of CNs in the beginning (which more books should have), including sadomasochism, sexual content, abuse and consent violations, all things I very much enjoy in fiction.
The plot sets out to be very interesting: a cult that abuses and indoctrinates its members is busted and the members are taken into FBI custody - all but Lark, a firm believer in the cult's teachings, who sets out on a quest to slay monsters. He is aided by his own inherent magic and a professional cosplayer named Calvin who desperately wants for magic to be real. Meanwhile, Lark's sibling Deryn helps the FBI to chase Lark and Kane, Lark's boyfriend, flashbacks to their past cult life. (Four POVs is three too many, in my opinion.)
The book is a quick read and that does count for something with me, but to be honest the plot often doesn't make much sense and the dark themes lack proper conclusions. The question of whether or no magic is real is left open for the longest time which I thought was nicely done. The answer is probably: some of it was real, some of it wasn't. The cult did rape and manipulate members like Lark and Kane but subjecting them to pain and torture apparently did grant them magical abilities. Lark's fight against a monster at the end is somehow vague in it's description but he certainly fought something, meaning the cult's objective was correct, horrible abuse notwithstanding. The FBI in this novel seems o be surprisingly bad at chasing two young men who are extremely bad at fleeing the law, which is to be expected.
The ending comes sudden and unsatisfyingly: Lark fights a monster, making it clear to himself and everyone that both monsters and magic are real. This fact is then ignored by everyone. Their cult leader was right about these things but is simply convicted for abusing people and never spoken of again. Lark clearly got off on the pain and still believes the rape he suffered was a 'blessing'. He is not shown to work through these experiences or change his opinion. His boyfriends, old and new, seem to be fine with this. I loved the dark and fucked up themes, but they seem to just happen without longterm consequences. It's like the author wanted to be dark and soft at the same time and ended up with neither. Calvin being a professional cosplayer seems like a minor thing in comparison and while there's absolutely nothing wrong withit objectively it still challenged my immersion in the story.
Overall I would have liked for the book to go deeper into all of its issues: the cult, the magic, the abuse, the trauma. I'm also partial to non-perfect, not completely happy endings, and this is a story that deserved one of those, but that might just be me.
Quotes:
1) My body is not built for endurance. It's built for slutty Pikachu costumes.
2) Already, I'm playing out excuses in my head. Sorry, Officer, we're performance artists. The fence is a metaphor for personal boundaries. We are definitely going to jail.
3) "I feel magic inside me - I have my whole life. If that feeling is real, if I'm Anointed, if monsters exist, then this shouldn't matter."

2. "The Binding" by Bridget Collins

Rating: ★★★★★
Date: 03.07.2022 - 12.07.2022
Genre: gothic, fantasy, queer (mlm main couple)
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
There is really no way to properly summerize this book without spoilers. It's a beautiful gothic fantasy that I enjoyed from start to finish, and it comes to you in three parts. The second part is chronologically the first. The third part is told from Lucian's point of view, the first two from Emmett's. The plot is dark, but the characters are soft. None of the sex was explicit but it's definitely there, both in good and bad ways. I was actually surprised by how much I enjoyed this novel but the struggles feel so real, I couldn't help but feel the suffering and the joy. Maybe the only story ever where you want the books to burn.
For books, in this world, are bad, but for the longest time the reader - much like Emmett - has no idea why and even when he starts his apprenticeship with an old book binder he isn't told the whole truth about binding, at least not in the beginning. Binders - true binders - can take away a person's memory (with their consent, of course) and bind them into a book. This process is so complete that a person wouldn't be able to read their own book and they wouldn't understand the words if someone tried to tell them about the memories that have been taken away. And while Emmett's teacher might be a very ethical binder, many are not. People, especially the poor, will sell memories for money, even precious ones. Trade books are then sold with their consent, if one can call it that, but often enough books are sold entirely without consent. After the death of his teacher, Emmett is taken on by a binder in the city who is less ethical about the jobs he takes, like those of servants who have been abused by their employers. This is the kind of job Emmett is assigned for his first binding and he is devastated to learn the truth of his vocation. When he finds a book with his own name on it, he burns it.
The second part contains the events of Emmett's book: his simple life in the countryside that becomes less simple when he and his sister meet a young nobleman sent to live with his uncle as pinishment by his father. Emmett's sister Alta falls in love at first side while Emmett takes a long time to warm up to Lucian. Ones he does, however, he two young men fall in love - scandalous and forbidden and thus utterly secret. When Alta finds out she angrily tells her parents who then inform Lucian's father. Emmett and Lucian are separated and Lucian's father send his thugs to force Emmett into a binding. Lucian, alone and desperate, has his own memories bound as well.
Part three, written from Lucian's perspective, shows is desolate life: the tyranny of his father, the monotony of his privileged life which he attempts to drown in alcohol and a wedding not of his choosing, none of which he can escape. He despises Emmett for being a binder, for being complicit in his father's crimes. Emmett, however, is determined to help Lucian regain his memories; a difficult undertaking when he can't even tell Lucian that he's been bound, not to mention the actual memories.
I liked the ending. It doesn't quite tell you how Lucian and Emmett rebuild their lives, but it tells you enough. I'd like to think they find a way to be happy. Their world, however, remains as it is, with binding as a kind of magic both used and abused. It's a fascinating concept that could yield more stories, I think.

3. "Young Mungo" by Douglas Stuart

Date: 12.07.2022 - DNF: 13.07.2022
Genre: 1990s, queer
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
- beginning is very confusing: what is going on, who are these men, where are they going and why? it seems to make little sense (read a summary which helps a little, I think?)
- Mungo isn't a particularly great character to follow along with. He seems slow and not very bright and almost incapable of putting his thoughts into words which makes him a weird narrator. - reviews/summaries describe him as a quiet boy, and he is, but he also doesn't act like his fifteen years at all, his actions and thoughts make him seem much younger and, so far, not in an endearing way
- I've started skimming the text and that's not a good sign
- three chapters in and I don't get where the book is going, what the characters are supposed to be doing. it's boring. almost 70 pages and there's barely a hint of plot and I couldn't care less about any of the characters

4. "Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott

Rating: ★★★
Date: 13.07.2022 - 29.07.2022
Genre: 19th century fiction, bildungsroman
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
(I decided to only read part 1 this month, meaning the original 'Little Women', and leave part 2, also known as 'Good Wives' for later. I might complete the series and also read 'Little Men' and 'Jo's Boys' at some point.)
It's obvious the chapters were published one by one and not written and edited as a whole, but I've read enough fanfiction in my life not to be bothered by this on principle. Some chapters are stronger than others but especially towards the middle and end things get more interesting. Many things reminded me very much of the anime version I loved as a kid and while the show changed some things (like the beginning), most things were kept very true to the source material, at least as far as I remember.
To me the chapters seem to have been written with an educational purpose in mind. The girls learn their lessons and overall manage to be extremely virtuous. This gets a bit much at times but my memories of the show turned it into a fun reading experience. What also helped was Peyton Thomas's podcast which provided a queer reading of the novel, especially Jo, who seems as close to the author's self-insert as it gets. This is relevant in so far as the novel is autobiographical in many ways or at least draws clear inspiration from Alcott's actual life. The podcast also makes a convincing argument that Alcott was, by today's definition, a trans man. This is reflected in Jo's continuous fight with gender rolls, acting boyishly and outright saying she'd rather be a boy. It reminded me of why I liked her character so much when I was younger, retrospectively for obvious reasons.
I don't have a great history with classics but this one was fun to read, albeit rather preachy at times. I enjoyed reading the oldfashioned language out loud and had an overall good time with the book.

AUGUST

Books read: 5
Books dropped: 2
Fav of the month: The Scottish Boy

1."William Shakespeare's The Force Doth Awaken" by Ian Doescher

Series: William Shakespeare's Star Wars (VII)
Rating: ★★★★★
Date: 01.08.2022 - 03.08.2022
Genre: science fiction, parody
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
I wanted this book for a quick laugh. I half expected not to read more than a few pages, the joke old and the language annoying. How very wrong I was! This book was amazing from start to finish! I had endless fun reading almost the entire thing out loud to myself, enjoying the dramatic soliloquies and funny dialogues as immensely as any actor. Doescher does an absolutely fantastic job at turning the movie into a play. But it's not merely a one-to-one transfer, he adds so many extras, like giving Chewbacca footnotes to translate his words, sometimes comically different in length, by giving voice to background creatures, by letting Rathtars sing, by having characters make funny, honest asides. I should have known that such a skillful author would not stop there but the afterword revealed so much more: BB-8's text can be deciphered by a skip code, Rey's soliloquies hint at fan theories, Poe's lines make allusions to a certain Poe-t and Finn always includes the letters F and N, to name but a few masterful uses of language. I stand in awe, and thouroughly entertained!
Quotes:
1) POE: What happens next, O friend and fiend of hell?
            'Tis I shall speak, or you, or what you will?
2) HUX: Our Supreme Leader Snoke explicit was:
            Detain the droid if we've the wherewithal,
            Destroy it if we must.
KYLO:                                  -How capable
            Are these, your soldiers, whom we send to do't?
HUX: My methods shall not answer to your queries.
KYLO: 'Tis certain you have no objection to
            Committing e'en the highest treason, hmm?
            Perhaps our leader Snoke would benefit
            From clone-led army, rather than your troops.
HUX: My soldiers are exceptionally train'd,
            Programm'd from birth, ere they do parents know
            To serve, to heed, to fight, and to obey.
KYLO: They should, therefore, have little trouble with
            This mission on Jakku - retrieve the droid,
            Sans its destruction. Do you understand?
HUX: Take care, Ren, that purpose personal
            Doth not our leader Snoke's will contradict.
KYLO: I want the map, and have it soon I shall.
            For your sake, pray deliver it anon.
3) HAN: Whate'ver you do, gape not.
REY:                                                   -At what?
HAN:                                                                -At aught.
4)TROOPER 2: Nay nay, this was near forty years ago,
            When one old Jedi foll'd me mightily
            With Jedi mind trick nasty and unfair.
            He siad the droids wherewith he travel'd were
            Not those same droids I was looking for.
TROOPER 1: And yet their were?
TROOPER 2:                                -Alas, I do confess.
            I do regret the terrible mistake,
            For which I've fac'd more jests than I can count.
5) HAN: I prithee, Bigness, stop thy mouth and look.
            Talk less, smile more; throw not away thy shot.

2. "Der Zug der Kinder. KLV - Die Evakuierung 5 Millionen deutscher Kinder im 2. Weltkrieg" von Claus Larass

Date: 03.08.2022 - DNF: 06.08.2022
Genre: non-fiction, history
Format: print
Language: German
Thoughts:
- Schreibstil irgendwie weird
- kommt nicht zum Punkt
- oder es gibt einfach nicht wirklich genug Material für ein ganzes Buch

3. "Die Kunst des Krieges" von Sunzi

Rating: ★★
Date: 07.08.2022 - 20.08.2022
Genre: non-fiction, history
Format: print
Language: German (translated from Chinese)
Thoughts:
I wanted to read this because I've heard it mentioned several times and because I thought it might be useful for LARP characters (so they can have read it). It's interesting as a historic artefact but not for much else. I did like the short chapter on spies though.

4. "The Scottish Boy" by Alex de Campi

Rating: ★★★★★
Date: 09.08.2022 - 19.08.2022
Genre: historical fiction, queer
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
This book was an absolute delight! A historical romance that was more romance than politics but I honestly don't have it in me to berate the novel for that. I had an absolute blast reading it and was never bored. At times it made me so emotional I couldn't read it before bed because I'd be too agitated to sleep.
Our story begins in the year 1333 when England goes to war against Scotland (again). Harry is a 19-year-old squire who just missed the big battle only to learn that the knight he serves died in it. Despite all this, he is knighted and taken on a secret mission. Desperate to prove his worthiness of knighthood retrospectively he is thrilled at first, only to learn that their secret mission isn't chivalrous at all: the inhabitants of a small Scottish castle are murdered, though Harry refuses to raise his sword against defenseless people - all except one boy who is taken back to England in a cage. Harry is charged with hiding the boy in his small country estate as his squire. It obviously takes a while for the boy, Iain, to trust Harry, but he did notice that Harry did not bloody his sword that fateful night and eventually they become friends, then lovers.
Iain, however, is at the center of political schemes and kind, naive Harry wants to protect him at all costs, but it takes him a while to see the bigger picture. Alys, a noblewomen Harry befriends, finally opens his eyes to Iains true identity: he is cousin to both the English and French king with strong claims to the throne of France. His murder, if framed correctly, could lead to war between the two countries, something several parties greatly desire. Iain, meanwhile, plans his revenge against the knights who killed his mother and took him from his home.
It's all very dramatic, although some problems are solved rather too easily. Alys is conveniently aroace and happy to marry Harry for appearances only while he keeps Iain as his lover. In the beginning of the book, homophobia is still a very real aspect of the plot, whereas later on pretty much everyone seems to be just fine with it. People also tend to show up in just the right place at the right time, like Iain appearing at the pond just when Harry was there for a nervous breakdown. This was especially true towards the end; it felt to me like the author took her time in the beginning but rushed things a bit more at the end.
Despite all this, I enjoyed the novel immensely! It felt like a page-turner even though there weren't any big plot twists or cliffhangers. Also: the illustrations are drop dead gorgeous! Definitely one of my favorites this year.
Quotes:
1) God gave him everything he prayed for, and only took the two people he loved most in the world in payment.
And he can't complain, for he had never thought to ask the cost of his dreams.
2) Harry feels completely lost. Everything around him is this cavalcade of cruelty, and no matter what he does he can't seem to stop it. He tries to act with chivalry and honour and it doesn't matter a damn bit.
3) And occasional sighs are heard from the Lyon family pew as Sir Harry's squire takes issue with matters of Latin pronunciation.
4) "A man goes to sea for many a reason," Davey says to Peter. "A profound love of boats usually isn't among them. Your past is your own, if your future is ours."
5) Captain Wekesa catches the wry twist to Iain's words and makes a face that rests somewhere between amusement and shock. "Whoa, there's some history there, and would you look at the tide. We must be off."
6) He is down on one knee and bowing his head before Harry like the graven image of a crusader knight swearing fealty to the cross, and softly he says, "I give you myself. I have never knelt for any man, nor did I ever think I would." He looks up. "This is all I have to give. Please accept it."
7) Harry realises he's been so busy teaching Iain how to be a knight, he forgot to teach him how to be a squire.
8) And if, as they reach their climax, the fingers of their free hands entwine, that's nobody's business but their own.
9) Harry leans back against the central tent pole. "Let's pretend I've given you a stern lecture about the morality of maiming other squires in back alleys."
Iain salutes him, then flops back on the pallet. "Let's pretent I'm very contrite."
10) It was bad enough realising he is in love with his squire. In deciding that, amidst this world of murder, deceit and betrayal, he would no longer flagellate himself for a sin based in love.
But no. It can get worse.
He's in love with a prince, a person who, when the natural order of things snap back into place (which it will, it always does), will be so far above his station he might as well exist on the moon.
11) "They're excempt from vengeance, for reasons of decent Latin."
12) "I loved you before and I love you now and I'm going to lose you."
13) "You're already king of a country," Harry says, tracing his finger down Iain's face, those glorious cheekbones, that strong jaw. "A very small one, comprising a simple country knight, and his sword, and his heart."
14) He is dizzy with grief, lost in the vast, empty wasteland inside himself that he never realised was there until Iain left. And he's an idiot, because he's a common country knight in love with a prince.
15) Through his sobs, he apologises to her for the man he's become. Alys just hugs him and tells him it well stop hurting one day. Harry doesn't admit to her that is what he fears most.
The hurt is all he has left. Once it's gone, he won't feel anything at all.
16) "Well, milord," Geoffrey says to Montagu, drily, "this is a bit of a conundrum. I do wish you hadn't admitted to regicide. Makes negotiations ever so awkward."
17) Edward grins, and indicates Harry may stand. "We see the years haven't tamed you any." Then his brows draw together. "Out of curiosity, do you kneel for Philip of Valois?"
Iain shakes his head. "Fret not. I only kneel for one man, and it is neither of you, my cousins."
18) "An earldom is too much for a simple country knight like me." Then he looks over at Iain, his voice growing thick. "Besides, he kneels for me. What greater prize is there?"

5. "The Foxhole Court" by Nora Sakavic

Rating: ★★★★★
Series: All for the Game
Date: 24.08.2022 - 30.08.2022 (re-read)
Genre: sports, queer
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
I will never stop loving these books. They aren't the most well-written novels in the world but I love the setting and the characters and their horrible, unhealthy dynamics so damn much. Neil and his temper are my absolute favorite thing, followed closely by Kevin's obsession and Andrew's possessiveness. All-time favorites.
Quotes:
1) Aaron Minyard was often refered to as "the normal one" of the two, thought that was usually followed by a debate over whether ir not he could be sane when he shared genes with Andrew.
2) "Do you believe in fate?"
Neil heard the faint scorn in the other man's voice. "No. Do you?"
"Luck, then," Aaron* said, ignoring that return question.
"Only the bad sort."
3) "Oh," Andrew said. "Oh, you might actually be interesting. For a litte while, at least. I don't think the amusement will last. It never does."
4) "Neil's not traumatized, right?"
5) Kevin waited until Aaron pulled the door closed behind them, then grabbed the grated front of Neil's helmet and dragged him toward Andrew's goal.
6) "Kevin says you'll be a champion. Four years and you'll go pro. Five years and you'll be Court."
7) "Your lose ends aren't adding up."
"I'm not a math problem."
"But I'll still solve you."
8) Neil was much better at instigating fights than winning them, but it'd be worth losing if he could just put a fist through Kevin's face once.
9) "Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome."
10) How Kevin thought one psychopath midget could protect him against a family as twisted as the Moriyamas, Neil didn't know. Neil thought he should be impressed, but all he felt was bitterness.
11) "Are you stupid?" Seth asked.
"Yeah," Neil said.
12) "Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought."
"Maybe I am," Neil said.
13) "I'm fine," Neil said. [...]
"You say that an awful lot," Matt said. "I'm starting to think you don't know what it means."
14) Kevin was the first onto the court, and the entire stadium had a fit at the sight of him. It didn't matter what school the fans were here to support; Kevin was in uniform after an eight-month absence. All predictions said he'd never play again, but he carried a racquet with him to half-court like he'd always known he would return.
15) Neil closed his eyes. "Why did you tell the ERC I would make Court?"
"Because when you stop being impossible and do what I tell you, you will."
16) "I will ask you only once to tone down that animosity."
"I can't," Neil said. "I have a bit of an attitude problem."
Riko's smile was all ice. "A bit?"
17) "Now you have to face each other on the court as rivals fir the first time, and people are finally going to know which one of you is better. They're going to know how premature this was." Neil gestured at his face, meaning Riko and Kevin's tattoos. "I think you're scared."
Riko's smile could have frozen hell. "I am not scared of Kevin. I know him."
"You're going to eat those words," Neil said. "You're going to choke on them."
18) Neil watched Kevin wilt beneath the weight of his brother's - no, owner's - fury and kissed his survival instincts goodbye.
19) "Don't tough my things, Riko. I don't share."
20) "When I said Abby and I would look out for you, I didn't mean you should pick a fight with Riko on national television," Wymack said. "Should I have spelled that out beforehand?"
"Probably," Neil said.
21) "Remember this feeling. This is the moment you stop being the rabbit."
22) Andrew didn't let go until Neil nodded, and then re reached for Neil's hand. He took his cigarette back, put it between his lips, and pressed a warm key into Neil's empty palm.

6. "The Force Awakens" by Alan Dean Foster

Series: Star Wars (movie novels)
Date: 25.08.2022 - DNF: 28.08.2022
Genre: science fiction
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
- boring, badly written
- few extra content, usually just a few unnecessary lines of dialogue that make things worse
- the author has very little understanding of Rey, mostly writes her POV like he's watching her (vaguely disgusting parts where that one alien sexualizes her)
- even BB-8 gets POV sections; no POV offers new or interesting insights into any of the characters
- reads like a bad fanfiction

7. "Achtsam morden" von Karsten Dusse

Rating: ★★★★
Date: 28.08.2022 - 02.09.2022
Genre: Krimi, Humor
Format: print
Language: German
Thoughts:
Den Roman hat mir meine Mutter mehrmals nachdrücklich empfohlen, außerdem waren Freunde und Bekannte online sehr angetan davon. Er liest sich sehr zügig weg und ist insgesamt sehr unterhaltsam! Es ist einer von diesen lustigen Romanen, die eigentlich nur einen einzigen Witz haben, aber das kann durchaus funktionieren. Für mich hat nicht jeder Joke gesessen (das sinnfreie Rumhacken auf Veganern z.B.), aber vieles hat mich schmunzeln oder sogar laut lachen lassen. Es wird zwar so nicht formuliert, aber im Wesentlichen sieht man einem Menschen dabei zu, wie er den Psychopathen in sich entdeckt und lieben lernt. Zusätzlich lädt das Ganze geradezu dazu ein, verfilmt zu werden; eine entsprechende Produktion in den nächsten Jahren würde mich nicht wundern.
Quotes:
1) Großkanzleien kennen kein Wochenende. Großkanzleien kennen nur gelockerte Krawatten.

SEPTEMBER

Books read: 4
Books dropped: 1
Fav of the month: When Marnie was There

1. "The Raven King" by Nora Sakavic

Rating: ★★★★★
Series: All for the Game
Date: 01.09.2022 - 06.09.2022 (re-read)
Genre: sports, queer
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
This is probably my favorite book in the trilogy - is has all this beautiful horrible stuff in it!
Neil running his mouth at the banquet is absolutely legendary; I know why I have that quote on my wall. Kevin's heartbreak over the fact that Neil will never be Court. Andrew being assaulted by his almost step brother and finally getting sober. The first reveals of Neil's true family background. Neil spending two (three) weeks at Evermore and getting his tattoo and finally telling Wymack that he is, in fact, not fine. I love every single page in this book!
Quotes:
1) Kevin looked at him like he was stupid. Neil was painfully familiar with that look by now, but even after four months working with Kevin he still didn't appreciate it. (chp.1)
2) "Shit happened. Shit's going to keep happening. You don't need me to tell you life isn't fair. You're here because you know it isn't. Life doesn't care what we want out of it; it's up to us to fight for what we want with everything we're got." (chp.1)
3) Andrew: "Neil is a walking tragedy."
Wymack: "You're a pretty pathetic sob story yourself." (chp.4)
4) "Stop being a bad influence," Kevin told Nicky. "I am going to make him Court. It'll be easier for him if he remains heterosexual. You know more than any of us how prejudiced people can be. Imagine the impact it would have on his career." (chp.5)
5) "You think Andrew's right," Neil said.
"Yes," Kevin said.
"You don't kill people over a game."
"It isn't a game where I come from," Kevin said. "I know Riko was behind this. I know what people like him are like. Be glad you'll never understand the way they think." (chp.5)
6) "You know, I get it," Neil said. "Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court - yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time."
"Neil," Kevin said, low and frantic.
Neil ignored him. "I know it's not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you're physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don't think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many consessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone."
("Dan, I said please. I tried to be nice.") (chp.6)
7) "His antagonism is a personality flaw we're learning to live with," Kevin said.
8) "Did you forget who bought you?"
"Bought me," Neil repeated. "Nobody bought me." (chp.6)
9) "God save you both, you useless fools. No one else can. How either of you have lived this long when you're so miserably stupid is beyond my capacity to understand." (chp.6)
10) "Riko will have a few minutes of your time later," Jean said. "I suggest you speak with him if you do not want everyone to know you are the Butcher's son." (chp.6)
11) "Master," Kevin said, voice catching with fear. "It's been a while." (chp.6)
12) "I'm not a Raven," Neil said. "I never will be."
"Then run," Kevin insisted, low and frantic. "It's the only way you'll survive." (chp.7)
13) "I don't want to run. I don't want to be a Raven. I don't want to be Nathaniel. I want to be Neil Josten. I want to be a Fox. I want to play with you this year and I want us to make it to championships." [...]
Kevin was silent for an endless minute, then said, "You should be Court."[...]
"Will you still teach me?" Neil asked.
Kevin was quiet again, but not for long this time. "Every night." (chp.7)
14) "He agreed to this?" Neil asked. "But he's fighting you every step of the way. Why?"
"When I first said you would be Court, why were you upset with me?"
"Because I know it'd never happen," Neil said, "but I wanted it anyway." (chp.7)
15) They were piecing Neil together and building a real person around all of his lies. They found the parts of him no disguise could change. (chp.7)
16) "You can love Exy all you want, but it's never gonna love you back."
Neil should let it go, but the challenge was out before he could stop it. "So?"
"Oh my God." Nicky looked torn between horror and pity. "Seriously? That might be the saddest thing I've ever heard." (chp.7)
17) News cameras were on hand to televise the festivities and take comments from the small team. Wymack kept Neil away from the microphone, not trusting Neil to behave himself. (chp.8)
18) "If I am breathing, I can play," Kevin said. "This is my game too." (chp.8)
19) "Andrew, for once in your miserable midgety life play like you want us to win, would you?" (chp.8)
20) The Ravens took their image seriously. Neil guessed they had a lot of intensive counseling in their futures. (chp.8)
21) "How the hell did you talk Andrew into this?" Dan asked, staring at Neil.
"I asked," Neil said. (chp.9)
22) The booth was technically intended for eight people, not nine in costumes, but it helped that Aaron and Andrew were pint-sized. (chp.9)
23) He was more curious how Kevin found room in his heart for someone else when he lived and breathed Exy. (chp.10)
24) "He said it was a misunderstanding."
The way Andrew went so perfectly still, if only for a second, told Neil he was right.
"Shh," Andrew said, soft like he was reassuring a cornered animal. "Shh, don't say that. I hate the sound of that word. I warned you once so you'd know better than to use it again. Why would you risk it?" (chp.10)
25) "Please?"
"I hate that word."
"Does your shrink know you have a grudge against half of the English language?" (chp.10)
26) "How did you do it?"
Neil neatly excised ninety percent of the truth and said, "I asked." (chp.10)
27) "Why are you so special?" Matt asked.
"I'm not," Neil said, confused.
"Andrew doesn't give ground to anybody. Why does he keep saying yes to you?" (chp.10)
28) Kevin couldn't handle being alone, in part because he'd grown up attached to Riko's side and swarmed by the Ravens, and in part because he was scared to death of getting caught without protection. (chp.11)
29) "If Coach has a problem with the number he can take it up with me, but he should know how expensive I am by now." (chp.11)
30) He was good at picking fights, but he rarely won them. That didn't mean he couldn't stack the odds in his favor. (chp.11)
31) "Neil," Wymack said, "between you and me, I don't think you've ever been fine." (chp.12)
32) "Oh, Neil is back, We thought perhaps you got lost."
"I'm never lost," Neil said.
"And never found," Andrew added with a sage nod. (chp.12)
33) "You do have a license, don't you?" Betsy asked.
Neil had a couple, but none had his current name on it. "Yes." (chp.12)
34) "Speaking of unpredictable assholes, when did that happen?"
"When did what?" Neil asked.
Wymack eyed him. "Forget it." (chp.13)
35) "I am disappointed in you, Kevin. You promised the master you would take care of this. Obviously you have not, and I am very curious as to why."
"He tried," Neil said, "It didn't take." (chp.14)
36) "I do not care if they see," Riko said. "A dog who bites his master's hand deserves to be slaughtered. The location and audience are inconsequential."
"I am not a dog. I'm a fox."
"You are nothing but what I tell you to be."
"We talked about your delusions."
"I warned you to learn your place."
"Let go of me, King."
"I am King," Riko agreed, "and you are going to spend Christmas at my castle. You're coming to Evermore for winter break. Don't," Riko said when Neil opened his mouth to argue, "push me again. I am the only thing keeping you alive." (chp.14)
37) "Neil hit Riko," Matt said. "It was beautiful."
"What?" Nicky squawked. "Not fair! I missed it! Do it again. Or not," he added quickly when Wymack leveled a death glare at him. "You can't blame a guy for dreaming, right, Coach?" (chp.14)
38) "Kevin is not like us; he is valuable but he is not property in the same sense." (chp.15)
39) "I can't even keep my ten?" Neil asked.
"Unimportant Ravens wear double-digits," Jean said, "Riko's inner circle does not. This number suits you better. Did you know? In Japanese, 'four' and 'death' sound the same. It is appropriate that the Butcher's son should wear this number." (chp.15)
40) "You will kneel," Tetsuji said.
Neil had a feeling he was going to regret this for the rest of his very short life, but he smiled and said, "Make me." (chp.15)
41) "Neil?" All the gruff posturing left Wymack's voice; that sharp edge was all alarm. "Are you all right?"
Neil smiled. It felt like it tore his face open. "No. No, I'm not. I know it's kind of sudden, but can you come get me? I'm at the airport." (chp.16)
42) Neil wasn't ready to see his reflection again. He was less ready to see the "4" tattooed on his left cheekbone. (chp.16)

 

2. "A Taste of Gold and Iron" by Alexandra Rowland

Date: 02.09.2022 - DNF: 02.09.2022
Genre: fantasy
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
- protagonist reminds me of Jainan from Winter's Orbit: pathetic and useless
- he annoyed me so much on the first few pages I had to drop the book
- oh woe me, I'm a prince and my older sister loves me and so does almost everyone else
- but one person said I might plan something bad and of course he's wrong but what if he's right and I accidentally did something bad without noticing?
- like. seriously? I couldn't stand him

3. "When Marnie Was There" by Joan G. Robinson

Rating: ★★★★
Date: 05.09.2022 - 14.11.2022
Genre: fantasy, mystery
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
I mainly wanted to read this book because I liked the Ghibli movie.
It starts out rather slowly but finally gets more interesting once Marnie shows up. This first part is very much like the movie although the book portrays Anna's anxiety over her relationship with Marnie more clearly.
The second part includes an entire story arch the movie mostly left out and I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. After Marnie vanishes Anna befriends the family who moves into the Marsh House and finds out about her past. The boundaries between past and present, dream and reality, are beautifully unclear, which is how Anna can step from one to the other. Most of the time, she doesn't even remember her time with Marnie but their friendship enables Anna to open up to people and form relationships with them. She now knows that she is loved and thus learns to love herself and others.
Quotes:
1) There seemed such a huge expanse of water and sky, and so little of herself.
2) She felt, as she always did with Marnie, that what they did was the only thing they could have done. It had all been decided already.
3) "Never mind. I'll see you - somewhere, some time, I can't promise where or when. But keep looking out for me - please -"
4) "Yes, don't you remember? Oh, poor Marnie! I do love you. I love you more than any girl I've ever known." She put out a hand to touch Marnie's hair, then stopped in mid-air. "And that's what you said to me," she said slowly, with a surprised look on her face. "How funny, it almost seems as if we're changing places."

4. "The King's Men" by Nora Sakavic

Rating: ★★★★★
Series: All for the Game
Date: 06.09.2022 - 12.09.2022 (re-read)
Genre: sports, queer
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
I love so much about this final book!
Andrew being back and sober and building a relationship with Neil.
Kevin's journey of emancipation from Riko's terror.
Stuart being the best uncle and finally killing Neil's father.
Neil being honest with his team and finding a future as their captain.
Kevin being a diehard Trojans fan and asking Jeremy for a place for Jean.
The Foxes beating the Ravens and Neil negotiating with Ichirou.
The one thing I will forever be mad about is Kandreil not being endgame. It would have made so. much. sense.
Quotes:
1) "I know what he's like," Kevin said. Neil looked at him, but Kevin was studying his hands. "Riko. If you want to talk." (chp.1)
2) "I am not property," Neil said in a low voice.
"I know how he sees you," Kevin said. "I know it means he did not hold back." (chp.1)
3) "This is a new low for even you," Andrew said.
"I'm not wearing it by choice."
"You chose to go to Evermore."
"I came back." (chp.1)
4) "You were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs."
"I'm not a hallucination," Neil said, non-plussed.
"You are a pipe dream," Andrew said. (chp.1)
5) "Is your learning curve a horizontal line?" Andrew asked. "I told you yesterday to stop making my life difficult." (chp.2)
6) "Jean will help you if you help him." (chp.3)
7) Neil wondered what it cost him to watch them both leave: if he thought them fools for defying the master or if a quiet part of him was jealous that they had a way out. (chp.3)
8) "Just promise me this isn't going to be a problem."
"What?" Neil asked.
"I can't tell if you're being obtuse to fuck with me or if you're really that dumb," Wymack said. (chp.3)
9) "Why does Roland think you're tying me down?" [...]
"Presumably he thinks you're as bad at following directions as he is," Andrew said. "Roland knows I don't like being touched." (chp.3)
10) "I didn't think I was a personal problem. You hate me, remember?"
"Every inch of you," Andrew said. "That doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you."
The world tilted a little bit sideways. Neil dug his shoes harder into the floor so he wouldn't fall over. "You like me."
"I hate you," Andrew corrected him, but Neil barely heard him. (chp.3)
11) "If you always got what you deserved, you wouldn't be a fox." (chp.4)
12) Riko was supposedly handpicking the future US National Team. He called it the "Perfect Court", and even though it was unofficial and unbelievably arrogant, his talent and upbringing gave some credibility to the idea. (chp.5)
13) "I'll never get where I need to be if I play with the Ravens. Besides, I could barely tolerate them for two weeks. I can't imagine playing with them for four years. They're horrible human beings." (chp.5)
14) Neil's temper flared hot again and this time he didn't choke it back. He turned and shoved Kevin into the door as hard as he could. Kevin had the better part of a foot on him and could easily take him in a fight, but he was too startled to defend himself. Dan gaped at Neil. Andrew, who's attacked Matt for hitting Kevin, took a neat step out of the way. Neither of them was going to interfere, so Neil tuned them out in favor of Kevin.
"Enough," Neil said, in fast and furious French. "Don't ever try to censor me again. I am not going to let him dictate how I end this." (chp.5)
15) "What's the point of any of this if you're still his pet at the end of the day? If you really believed in us - if you really believed in yourself - you'd push back."
"You don't understand."
"I don't," Neil said hotly. "You have a way out. You have a future. So why won't you take it? Why are you so afraid to take it?" (chp.5)
16) "I have always been Riko's. I know more than anyone what happens when you defy a Moriyama." (chp.5)
17) "Give me one good reason to not push you off the side."
Neil shook a stick out an lit it. "I'd drag you with me. It's a long way down." (chp.7)
18) In May both Nathaniel and Neil would be gone, but in June this picture would still be here. (chp.9)
19) "You're the only one here who can succeed her," Wymack said. "Didn't you notice? They're uniting around and behind you. That's something special. You're something special." (chp.9)
20) On the other hand was the future he couldn't have: vice-captain, captain, Court. Neil had no right to mourn these missed chances. He'd gotten more than he deserved this year; it was selfish to ask for more. (chp.9)
21) "I've never belonged anywhere or had the right to call anything my own. But Coach gave me keys to the court, and you told me to stay. You gave me a key and called it home." (chp.9)
22) "Don't look at me like that. I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren't mine." (chp.9)
23) "I'm tired of being nothing." (chp.9)
24) Andrew kissed him like this was a fight with their lives on the line, like his world stopped and started with Neil's mouth. (chp.9)
25) "I am not doing this with you right now." [...]
"Why not?"
"Because you're too stupid to tell me no," Andrew said.
"And you don't want me to tell you yes?"
"This isn't yes. This is a nervous breakdown. I know the difference even if you don't. [...] I won't be like them. I won't let you let me be." (chp.9)
26) He insisted Wymack put out a second request, to which Wymack demanded Kevin be a little more accepting of strikers who hadn't been raised to be champions. (chp.10)
27) "I asked," Neil said.
"There goes that 'asked' again," Matt said. "Does it mean something different where you come from?"
"Most of the time, yes," Neil said. (chp.10)
28) Neil had forgotten what it was like to be touched without malicious intent. He'd forgotten what body heat felt like. Everything about Andrew was hot, from the hands holding him down to the mouth steadily taking him apart. (chp.10)
29) Neil had almost forgotten how pleasant Kevin could be when there was a camera in his face. (chp.11)
30) "The last time I said something no one wanted to hear, my school got vandalized," Neil said. "I was trying to prevent collateral damage this time. But you know what? You're right. I can't afford to be quiet." (chp.11)
31) "Personally I think they should start by demanding Coach Moriyama's resignation."
The noise Kevin made wasn't human. [...]
Wymack, despite having complained numerously and at length about Neil's attitute problem, flashed his teeth in a fierce smile. (chp.11)
32) "This," Neil flicked his finger to indicate the two of them, "isn't worthless."
"There is no 'this'. This is nothing."
"And I am nothing," Neil prompted. When Andrew gestured confirmation, Neil said, "And as you've always said, you want nothing." (chp.11)
33) Neil knew Kevin was a Trojans fan, but he hadn't realized how diehard Kevin was about it. Kevin watched the game like a poor result would be the death of him. Neil almost wished Penn State would win just so he could see Kevin throw a temper tantrum. (chp.11)
34) Kevin started to say something Neil knew would be negative and dismissing. Neil reached behind Andrew and popped Kevin in the back of the head to shut him up. Matt choked on a laugh and tried unsuccessfully to pass it off as a cough. Kevin froze for a startled second, then sent Neil a scathing look.
"No one wants to hear that right now," Neil said.
"If you hit me again," Kevin started.
Andrew cut in with a casual "You'll what?"
Kevin shut up but didn't look happy about it. (chp.11)
35) "How much do my father's people pay you to break your oaths?"
"More than the state does," the older officer said. "Don't take it personally."
"I have to," Nathaniel said, voice hoarse with pain and hatred. "It's my life." (chp.12)
36) Stuart followed her gaze, and surprise took the edge off his white fury. "Bloody hell. Nathaniel?" Nathaniel was too stunned to speak, but he managed a small nod. Stuart pointed the gun in Nathan's direction but kept his stare on his nephew. "Where is Mary?" Nathaniel couldn't find his voice, so he shook his head. Stuart's expression shuttered; his glimmer of hope disappeared as quickly as it'd come. "Don't look. This will be over in a moment." (chp.13)
37) "My name is Nathaniel Wesninski," he said, "and my father is dead." (chp.13)
38) A handcuff locked one of Nathaniel's bandaged wrists to the bed frame. Nathaniel rattled it and said, "Really?" (chp.13)
39) "Just let us know if we've got to play hardball."
Nathaniel made a rude noise. "You couldn't at least use an Exy idiom? I hate baseball." (chp.13)
40) "You're wrong," Nathaniel said. "They can't leave without Andrew, and Andrew won't go anywhere until he talks to me."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do." (chp.13)
41) "Your winning personality makes me rethink this entire thing," Browning said, but he got out of the car. (chp.14)
42) "If you can't stow that attitude and behave--"
Nathaniel shot a warning look at him and cut in with, "You'll what, asshole?" (chp.14)
43) "So the attutude problem wasn't an act, at least," Andrew said. (chp.14)
44) Turning meant the others got a look at his burned cheek. Kevin recoiled so hard he slammed into the wall behind him. He clapped a protective hand over his own tattoo and Nathaniel knew he was imagining Riko's reaction to this atrocity. (chp.14)
45) It was Nathaniel's fault Andrew's self-control was in shreds, but it was also for his sake. Andrew's bottomless rage would never hurt Nathaniel, and that made all the difference in the world. (chp.14)
46) "You're staying with us. If they try to take you away they will lose." (chp.14)
47) "You are going to be Neil from now on until death. You are not allowed to change your mind. You so much as order a latte under a pseudonym and we are going to have a serious problem." (chp.14)
48) "But hey, since Riko's hands are tied," Neil said, glancing back at Kevin, "now's a perfect time to take that off your face."
It took Kevin a moment to catch on, and he jerked like he'd been struck. "Don't even joke like that." [...]
"You're supposed to be done being second-best," Neil said. "Prove it." (chp.15)
49) "Your neck fetish is not attractive."
"You like it," Neil said, unapologetic. "I like that you like it." (chp.15)
50) "Yes or no?"
"It's always yes with you," Neil said. (chp.15)
51) "You've saved my life. Three times," Neil said, "you've saved my life. I can't just say 'thank you' for that." (chp.15)
52) Kevin took the news as well as Neil thought and locked himself in the upstairs bedroom to have a panic attack. (chp.15)
53) Exy had been a raw point between them since they'd met. It was the critical part of their friendship Andrew refused to acknowledge and Kevin couldn't fix, a dream Andrew wouldn't believe in and Kevin couldn't give up on. (chp.15)
54) "Who said 'please' that made you hate the word so much?"
Andrew gazed at him in silence for a minute. "I did." [...] "He said he would stop if I said it."
"You believed him," Neil guessed.
"I was seven," Andrew said. "I believed him." (chp.17)
55) "I don't want to talk about the Ravens anymore," Kevin said. "Ever since my mother died it's been Ravens this and Ravens that. I am not a Raven anymore. I never will be again." (chp.17)
56) "Did you know I've never been skiing? I'd like to try it one day, though." (chp.17)
57) "We're all going to die," Kevin said at last.
"No, we're not," Neil said. (chp.17)
58) Neil pushed himself up a bit. "I'm not as stupid as you think I am."
"And I'm not as smart as I thought I was," Andrew said. "I know better than to do this again. Perhaps it's the self-destructive streak in me?" (chp.17)
59) "I won't be like them," Neil said. "I won't let you let me be."
"One hundred and one," Andrew said, "going on one hundred and two."
"You're a terrible liar," Neil said and Andrew kissed him into silence. (chp.17)
60) "They'll leave or I will. I won't talk to you in mixed company."
"We are mixed company regardless," Kevin said. "I am not a Raven anymore." (chp.18)
61) "Kevin, you crazy fool," [Jeremy] said, less formally, and clapped Kevin's shoulder in cheery greeting. "You never cease to amaze. You've got a thing for controversial teams, I think, but I like this one much better than the last one."
"They're mediocre at best but they're easier to get along with," Kevin said.
"Same old Kevin, as unforgiving and obnoxious as always," Jeremy said, but his tone was fond. (chp.18)
62) Kevin said nothing for a minute, as if debating how much he trusted Jeremy with, then only said, "I have a backliner for you. Do you have room on next year's line-up?" (chp.18)
63) "That was always the crucial difference between USC and Edgar Allan," Kevin said, handing the roster over to Dan again. "That's why more Trojans make Court than Ravens do. Both teams are obsessed with being the best, but only the Trojans would risk their standings to improve." (chp.18)
64) Matt looked at Andrew. "One of these days you have to let me hit him." (chp.18)
65) "Yeah, I've spoken to Jean earlier this week. He's definitely done for the year, but he'll be back in the fall. He just won't be back in black." (chp.18)
66) "Let Riko be King," Kevin said, with the exaggerated enunciation of the thoroughly sloshed. "Most coveted, most protected. He'll sacrifice every piece he has to protect his throne. Whatever. Me?" [...] "I'm going to be the deadliest piece on the board." (chp.19)
67) "Thea is watching from South tonight," Kevin said. [...] "and my father comes to all of my games. That is enough." (chp.19)
68) "Fight because you don't know how to die quietly. Win because you don't know how to lose. This king's ruled long enough - it's time to tear his castle down." (chp.19)
69) "I thought you knew how to run."
Neil affected confusion. "I thought you told me to stop running."
"Survival tip: no one likes a smart mouth."
"Except you," Neil reminded him. (epilogue)

 

5. "A Ferry of Bones and Gold" by Hailey Turner

Rating: ★★★☆
Series: Soulbound (book 1)
Date: 13.09.2022 - 23.09.2022 (re-read)
Genre: urban fantasy, queer
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
This is my second time starting this series and I really can't say I didn't enjoy it the second time around. Patrick is a pretty cool protagonist and very good at what he does. He's needlessly antagonistic with his allies sometimes and argues more than necessary, but he's an extremely competent mage so I let him get away with it more than I probably should. He's also delightfully horny for Jono from the moment they first meet and that is just so much fun to read.
What I don't like is the book's blind support of law enforcement, even if it's magical, which is genre-typically accompanied by rule breaking that's okay for the good guys and blatant dislike/disrespect of lawyers and the press. This is a choice; it's not unavoidable to tell this kind of story. Also, if I have to read the phrases "watch my six" and "I need a sitrep" one more time I am going to burn something. Still, the plot is very solid and interesting and I rather like the worldbuilding, and I did read it twice which counts for something.

OCTOBER

...

NOVEMBER

Books read: 2
Books dropped: 0
Fav of the month: Assassin's Apprentice

1. "Nordic Tales" (collection)

Rating: ★★★
Date: 05.11.2022 - 21.12.2022
Genre: fairy tales
Format: physical book
Language: English
Thoughts:
Truth to be told, I'm not much for fairy tales. I like them academically and as the basis for more complex interpretations but the original tales rarely make for entertaining reads. I bought this book after playing a character from Finnish mythology and felt like learning more about that kind of tale. I liked some of the tales but most were pretty boring to me. The book itself is absolutely beautiful though and certainly a highlight of any collection!

 

2. "Assassin's Apprentice" by Robin Hobb

Rating: ★★★★
Series: Farseer Trilogy (book 1)
Date: 17.11.2022 - 29.11.2022
Genre: fantasy
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
I'd downloaded this book to my kindle a while ago and quite forgot about it until now. I did enjoy it and it was a quick read for me (always a good sign), although some things did bother me. One of those was the protagonist's name: he walks around without a fucking name for most of the book so I kind of expected something good when he finally did get one. But then it was boring and didn't even sound nice - what an absolute disappointment! I also usually pick my books for the queer content and had forgotten that this protagonist wasn't, in fact, gay. I kept waiting for his love interest to show up and it didn't happen. I wasn't too mad though; at least there wasn't a straight romance either. I liked many of the characters and would have liked to see more of them, especially the crown prince. Others I found pretty annoying, like the fool. The ending seemed way too quick and easy, considering how big these issues had been before. I'm not sure I'll continue with the series, even though I had fun with this book.

DECEMBER

Books read: 2
Books dropped: 1
Fav of the month: Our Bodies Their Battlefield

1. "Reforged" by Seth Haddon

Date: 01.12..2022 - DNF: 21.12.2022
Genre: fantasy
Format: ebook
Language: English
Thoughts:
- weird worldbuilding
- character interaction makes no sense

2. "Our Bodies Their Battlefield. What War does to Women" by Christina Lamb

Rating: ★★★★★
Date: 23.12.2022 - 30.01.2023
Genre: non-fiction, gender studies
Format: print
Language: English
Thoughts:
This book is not an easy read and I don't regret taking my time with it. It is, however, also a very necessary book. The author spent years talking to survivors of large-scale rape in conflict zones and discovering the extent of the horrible crimes against women and their communities. Whatever you think about this topic: the reality is worse. What you will read in this book is worse. I will not repeat the things I read because many of them shook me to my core, but if you can, I recommend you read this book and spread awareness of it. Little enough is being done on a global scale and few perpetrators are ever convicted. It takes so much courage for survivors to tell their stories. The least we can do is listen.
Quotes:
1) For an end to rapists' impunity there must be an end to silence. Shakespeare describes Lavinia as 'seeking to hide herself as doth the deer'. For this is the most personal of violations and it not easy to talk about.
2) As long as we are silent, we are complicit in saying this is acceptable.

3. "Europasaurus - Urzeitinseln voller Leben; Life on Jurassic Islands" by Oliver Wings and Joschua Knüppe

Rating: ★★★☆
Date: 30.12.2022 - 01.01.2023
Genre: graphic novel, animals, fiction, non-fiction
Format: print
Language: German, English
Thoughts:
A very cute idea for children who are into dinosaurs and learning either English or German as a foreign language. Not for absolute beginners but the language isn't super complicated either. The story isn't overly exciting but the art is very nice indeed. Very little feathers though, which surprised me, since the book is fairly new. Still, a fun and beautiful read with interesting information in the back.